


I’m Scared

by Kazirae



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Swearing, Walkers, some smut, the walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:47:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazirae/pseuds/Kazirae
Summary: After Alexandria is blown up Rick and Daryl part there ways. Rick stays behind with Michonne and Carl and Daryl leads their people to Hilltop. Once Daryl arrives, everything is calm in Hilltop. But everything that Daryl has gone through is finally getting to him. Will Jesus be able to help him through it? Will Daryl let Jesus help him through it?
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Jesus
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it! This is my first time ever writing a fan-fiction! This going to be one slow burn!   
> Each chapter I will be alternating the POV. This chapter is Daryls and the next will be Jesus, then Daryl and so on. 
> 
> (This is unedited writing! So I know there are a lot of mistakes!)
> 
> :) <3

I look back at my group everyone’s okay. We made it here, I kept them safe. Judith is okay... I just hope Rick and Michonne make it here. I can’t believe I didn’t say goodbye or I’m sorry to Carl he’s like my nephew and all I said was ‘this was all you, that’s why we’re still here’ and I left. My head was spinning, I snapped out of it once I here Cal yell over to open the gates. They squealed open on the rusty hinges. All of my people headed inside but I just stood there looking at the bustle. People guarding the prisoners, taking care of the livestock, farming, forging and cleaning from the last Saviours attack. All that ran through my mind was ‘what if Hilltop falls? What then?’ Rosita yelled my name and I finally started walking through the gates. I tried to focus on something, the workers, but everything was a blur moving so slowly compared to my thoughts.   
I feel someone bump into me as I stand there in the middle of the path waiting for Maggie to find me and ask what happened and where everyone was. “Sorry” I say gruffly not having enough energy to have a conversation. I catch the strangers scent it’s familiar, sweet almost like sap. I recognized that scent it was Paul’s. How could I mistake it after all the runs we’ve done together? I here him say “It’s okay” in that soft voice of his. I missed Paul, we hadn’t had time to go hunting and relax since the war began with Negan. He was a good friend that hippie prick, one of the few people he trusted with his life. I look down at him his ocean blue eyes stared back up at me. I squint through my greasy hair and make out his expression. He looks sad, no peaceful but in a bad way. “Everythin’ ok?” I ask. He nods and keeps walking. Something seemed off. Almost like he didn’t realize it was me. I brushed it off and kept walking, I needed to find Maggie. I walked up to Barrington House and up the steps. The door swung open as I was about to turn the handle revealing a concerned puffy eyed red nosed Maggie. She pulled me into a tight hug and I tried to flinch away but she was too strong. “You had me so worried you bastard.” She pulled away and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Come inside, lets talk.” I follow her into the office and lean on the wall staring at the painting of the dapple grey horse with the red coated soldier riding valiantly into battle. All I can do is look at the gun and the explosives going off in the background of the painting. I sigh and hang my head the sounds of Alexandria being bombed still ringing in my ears. “Daryl... DARYL!” Maggie brings me back to reality. I look at her through the hair hanging in front of my eyes. “What happened at Alexandria?” She asked. I sighed and sat down. Hanging my head low. I swing my crossbow off my shoulder and set it beside me on the couch. “Daryl what happened!?” She sounded angry. “Bombed... gone... in flames...” That’s all I could make out. I had to act tough I couldn’t shed a tear I couldn’t feel sad. This always happens we finally get a place to call home. Relax start bonding becoming a real family and then we lose it all. Again and again and again and again... “DARYL!” Maggie yelled slamming her fists in the table. I can’t focus I keep tuning out. “DARYL I’ve called your name fifty times ANSWER ME!” I clench my fists, why the fuck is she yelling at me? “WHAT!?” I yell standing up fists clenched. “Where are Rick, Michonne, Carl and Gabriel?” She repeats angrily. I’m not looking at her but I can tell she’s pissed. She’s a pregnant lady under A LOT of stress I told myself. I need to calm down... “Rick and Michonne are fine... hopefully.” I say under my breath. “What about the others? Carl and Gabriel?” I sigh and look up at her she has tears in her eyes and her hands are placed firmly on her hips as she glares at me. “Daryl! Please answer me!” She says again. “CARLS DEAD YOU FUCKING HAPPY!? I DONT KNOW WHERE THE FUCK GABRIEL IS AND TO BE HONEST I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT RELIGIOUS ASS PRICK. RICK AND MICHONNE STAYED BEHIND AND WAITED FOR CARL TO SHOOT HIMSELF I DONT KNOW IF THEY’RE OKAY OR NOT FUCKING HAPPY MAGGIE ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY!?” I yell, I grab my crossbow and swing it over my back. I look at her one last time as I storm out. She’s crying slouched in her chair over her desk. I push the door open breaking the handle off on the wall and cracking the door. I keep walking I don’t give a fuck. I see Paul standing in the doorway to the Barrington House and I just walk past him. I finally reach the gates and yell at Cal to open the ‘Fuckin’ gates’.I walk through the gates. It taking everything out of me not to beat the shit out of everything in sight. I hear Paul’s voice yell “STOP” I keep walking, if that prick walks any closer I’m gonna sock’em. I feel a hand grab my shoulder. “I SAID STOP!” I hear him yell. I swing around to face him breathing heavy, all I can see is red. My fist clenches and before I can stop it I’m pounding it into Paul’s face. One. hit. after. another. All I can see is red. Carl’s bite wound, Glenn and Abraham... Lucille and Negan. Sasha coming out of that coffin. Denise dying, Taras face when she found out... that cell... Eugene betraying us. Alexandria being blown to pieces. Rick and Michonnes tears as Carl revealed he was dying. “DARYL DARYL STOP DARYL PLEASE STOP!!!” I hear something, a faint voice, a very faint voice. I hear my name I’m sure of it my vision starts to clear as I listen to my name being screamed. I look at my hands ready to punch Paul again. I’m kneeling over top of him I can feel warm blood splattered on my face my hands are dripping in the warm sticky liquid. I look up my head spinning. Everything is ringing I see Enid standing there sobbing. I look down at Paul, his face was so bloody I couldn’t tell if he was alive. I stand up looking around we’re in the field next to Hilltop. “I....I...” I stutter out. As I look at Paul limp beneath me. I pick him up and swing him over my shoulder. Enid is still calling my name, I ignore her and walk past, I see the sun glaring down at me... beating down on us. What have I done? I get to the gates and Cal opens them. I run to the infirmary my vision blurry. I drop Paul onto the bed and leave. I see Siddiq staring at me, I hear him calling my name, I ignore him, I just walk back to the gates and I leave again. I stayed out there sitting in the field covered in Paul’s blood. It was caked to my arms now. It was peeling but I didn’t care I left it and just stared into the sun. I felt the sweat running down my face but I just sat there cooking in the hot Georgia sun. Waiting for something...  
One thing I know is, I’m not going back to Hilltop not after I might’ve killed Paul. I’ll stick around the borders outside of the walls incase the Saviours come again I have to do that I can’t leave and let more people die... I can’t have anyone else die because of me. I sigh and lay there I watch the sun go down and come back up and then back down again I haven’t moved but I don’t feel like it. My brother might be dead I might’ve killed one of my best friends and Carl is dead and I don’t know if Michonne is okay or if Maggie is okay either. Enid is probably terrified of me now and the rest of ‘em too. As I watch the sun set the 2nd time I finally get up I head into the woods and pick some wild raspberries and blueberries. I eat a few but I vomit them back up. I started peeling Paul’s sun baked blood off of me but my skin starts going with it. “Fuck” I mutter under my breath. I have sunburn everywhere. It hurts to move now that I notice it. I hear a low growl and twigs breaking. I grab my crossbow and line it up with the walker. It looks like a young boy probably Carl’s age. I can’t think about that I shoot it and go to harvest my arrow. I pat the walker down. A knife and a Smith’n’Wessin with a silencer. I sigh and drop the knife in my pocket and put the gun in my belt. I go back to the edge of the forest and sit on a fallen tree watchin’ the sun go down for the third time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter y’all! <3  
> Jesus POV
> 
> (Also pretty much this entire story will be unedited)

I wake up my head ringing. I squint at the shiny metal ceiling and blinding lights. “Where am I?” I cough out. “Ah your finally awake! How do you feel?” I hear Siddiq’s voice ring through the air. “Everything’s so loud” I say in a raspy voice sitting up. “Do you remember anything?” Siddiq asks. “All I remember is walking in on Maggie sobbing and Daryl leaving the room and breaking the door, I followed him and then.... oh... he... he didn’t do this right? I remember him punching me but one punch doesn’t hurt this much.” I choke out, Daryl wouldn’t do this then again it might hurt worse then it looks. I see Siddiq look down. He stands up and grabs a small mirror and shows me my face. “Holy.... shit...” I rasp. “He definitely wouldn’t do this I chuckle, but I end up coughing. “Jesus, he did this, you were soaked in blood when he first brought you.. Enid saw it all happen she can tell you what happened....” I look at him he must’ve misunderstood, Daryl is rough and aggressive and hides all his emotions with anger. But he’d never hurt his best friend... not on purpose... “How many stitches?” I ask Siddiq, examining my face in the mirror. “54” He says quietly. “Damn” is all I can say. I guess a lot of the cuts were under my beard and in my hair. I sigh, I look like shit. I sit up slowly. “Woah easy, you took a bad beating.” Siddiq said grabbing my shoulder. “Look I only feel a bit dizzy, I have to find Enid and ask her what happened.” I feel him let go of my shoulder and then hand me a bowl of sticky white liquid. “Apply this to your cuts first, it’ll help with the scarring.” I take the bowl and nod to him, “Thank you Siddiq” I rub the sticky substance on my cuts and wash off any excess that didn’t get in the wounds. I open the door and walk out slowly. I see Maggie rushing towards me. She practically launches herself at me and cries into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her. “I’m okay Maggie...” I whisper in a soft tone. “Where’s Enid?” I ask softly pulling away from her deathly hold on me. “In the trailer...” Maggie nods towards their aluminum abode. “Thanks” I nod and walk off towards the trailer. I grab the railing and take the three steps slowly. I knock on the door, in a matter of a second Enid is there opening the door. She launches her arms around me as well but let’s go quicker then Maggie. “Come in” she smiles softly. She motions to the couch and I sit down, after awhile of pacing she comes and sits next to me. “I was worried sick...” she starts. “Enid,” I interrupted her, “What happened?” I say in a semi urgent tone. “You’re not gonna like this...” she says looking at me. “First off let’s start with, where the hell Daryl is.” I say looking at her concerned. “We’ll get to that, just let me start. After I saw Daryl storm out of Barrington in a rage and you in foot behind him, I decided to keep an eye on you from the tower to make sure Darryl didn’t lose it and get himself killed somehow. I was sure you could handle it but I didn’t want to take any chances since well it’s Daryl. He looked mad but it looked like you were handling it, I mean you had your hand on his shoulder. But then he swung around and decked you in the face... HARD. I was shocked so I got down from the tower and rushed out the gates. By the time I got out to the field where he had punched you... you were passed out on the ground. He was over top of you punching you repeatedly. Blood was splattering onto his face and you were both soaked in your blood. He wouldn’t stop, I screamed his name over and over but he wouldn’t listen. Suddenly he stopped after I was screaming for him to stop for minutes. He just kinda stopped mid swing and looked up at me. It didn’t even look like Daryl, his eyes were just full of anger. He was really scary Jesus, but he just sat there on top of your limp body and just stared at what he did looking at his hands then to your face. He got up eventually and swung you over his shoulder. He brought you to the infirmary and didn’t say a word he just left...” I listened closely to her description of what happened. What happened to Daryl that would make him like that? We haven’t seen each other in a long time what could of happened in that time that’d cause him that much pain? “Jesus are you okay?” I feel Enid place her hands on my shoulder. “Yeah, I think so. where’s Daryl now?” I ask staring at my feet. I need to talk to him. “He hasn’t come back...” I hear her say softly. “How long have I been out?” I ask frowning. “Almost 3 days, you were in really bad shape Jesus. There was so much blood we couldn’t tell if you were alive.” She replies. “Here, I was on a run yesterday and saw a beanie it was marshy green and I thought of you, so I grabbed it since you know yours is stained with blood.” She takes a beanie out of her back pack beside the couch and hands it to me with a smile on her face. I take it from her hands and smile. “Thank you Enid.” I put it on and nod to her. I get up and head to my trailer. I swing open the door and grab my trench coat, gloves and my belt with my gun, knife and throwing knives and then I close the door again. I check the mag in my pistol, it’s full just like how I left it. I walk towards the gates and yell up to Francine to open the gates. She yells back down to me. “I can’t do that Jesus you’re injured!” I frown and swear for once. “Francine open the fucking gates. I need to find Daryl!” She looks at her feet and shakes her head. “Maggie’s gonna kill me for this Jesus! I hope it’s well worth it!” She says as she nods to the other tower guard and they open the gates. I nod to her and walk out. I stand in the road looking around. He wouldn’t of stayed in the fields it’s too hot. If I head right it leads to the Sanctuary, he wouldn’t head that way. The only other way is left towards the forest and the marsh and beyond that Alexandria. I start trudging through the tall grass of the field, listening for walkers. I stop at one part, the grass was flattened and stained with blood. I look a little past that and see a little wooden figurine. I lean down and pick it up. Making myself dizzy, I sit down in the trampled grass and turn the figurine around and around in my hands examining it. I see blood stained on the corner of it. It was a man holding a crossbow I turn it over. ‘Dwight’ was carved into the bottom. I frown and stuff it into my trench coat pocket. He must be this way... I mean it’s not a coincidence the flattened blood stained grass and then a little farther past a wooden figurine of a man with a crossbow with Dwights name carved into it. I keep walking looking for trampled grass and broken blades. But so many walkers go through here it’s no use. I sigh and decide to just head straight to the forest. My head is still ringing a bit but it’s subsided substantially. My dizziness has been replaced with a lack of balance and my face is starting to hurt. I guess the pain meds are wearing off. I keep walking though, because I know Daryl is stupid enough when he’s in pain that he’d get himself killed or injured. I look up after a while of walking and see the grass is shorter now and the forest splays out before me. I try remembering what Daryl taught me about tracking and differentiating between walker tracks and human tracks, but my head is too fuzzy. I walk over to a fallen log and look out into the field. I sigh and sit there for a while until my balance seems a bit better. I stand up again and turn around and keep walking, I hear running water and realize I hadn’t brought food or water with me. I walk through the forest as quietly as possible in my current state. I reach the spring and scoop my hands in I splash it onto a nearby fresh leaf. It absorbs the water quickly. Good it’s clean I scoop some into my hands and drink. Once I’m refreshed I stand up and look around, I see something on the other side of a tree. I walk slowly around the tree, a walker... a young one. I look at it’s head an entrance wound is centred perfectly on its forehead. I flip it over no exit wound. It was shot from the front and the flesh looks torn backwards. It was shot with an arrow, a hunting arrow with blades, sharp enough to rip the flesh backwards when pulled out. Thank god Maggie placed Daryl and I on so many runs together I learned a lot of tips on tracking. Now that I know he’s been this way I can see the broken leaves and snapped twigs more clearly. I follow them making sure it’s heading the right way and I’m not following the walkers tracks that I just came from. I keep going for what seemed like forever and then I realized I wasn’t following a trail anymore. I sigh and just slumped to the ground holding my head in my hands but even that hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl POV <3

I’m getting thirsty again, fuck. I turn around and head back to the spring. I see the walker, except it was moved, not much but enough to be noticeable. I look at the ground around me, tracks, human tracks. Fuck, was someone out here lookin’ for me? I follow the tracks a little ways they follow my first steps down the spring. I sigh wherever they are they’re not here. I kneel down and scoop some water into my mouth and splash some onto my arms and face. I get up and head south towards where I first saw the raspberry and blueberry bushes. I pick a few and eat them they don’t settle well but I keep them down. My hand was starting to swell, badly. I get my red kerchief from my back pocket and tie it around my knuckles tightly. There’s nothing to do out here. I sigh and decide to follow the strangers tracks. I know how to cover my trail and keep quiet. After a long while of walking they stray from my tracks. I frown, they either gave up or aren’t very good at tracking. I tense taking my crossbow off my shoulder. I follow the trail a bit more and go around a big rock. I see the edge of a coat sticking out from behind the rock, I freeze. I shift my crossbow into a shooting position and go around the rock slowly. I’m met with a person curled up in a ball against the rock their face hiding. I recognize the trench coat it reminds of Paul’s, the boots too. “Get up.” I say roughly kicking at the mans leg. “Daryl?” I hear a soft voice and see the man lift his head and stand up quickly. Paul... but as soon as he gets to his feet he’s on his ass again. “What the fuck r’ya doin’ out’ere?” I say looking down at him. I want to leave... walk away.... again. But I can’t leave him here in his current state... his current state that’s my fault. “Trying to find you!” He looks up at me frowning. “But looks like you found me instead!” He says grinning ear to ear. He looked like shit his face was covered in stitches and most still dripping blood. “Why would ya wanna find me after what I did to ya?” I ask realizing I still hadn’t lowered my crossbow. I swing it back over my shoulder and reach my hand out to Paul. “Get yer ass up.” I say roughly. He grabs my hand tightly and hauls himself up. “I wanted to find you because I wanted to know if you were okay.” He says looking at me. Why would he be concerned about my wellbeing when he’s the one who I beat the shit out of. “How bad is it?” I say under my breath. I hear Paul sigh and keep walking. “It doesn’t matter.” He says cheerfully. I grab his shoulder and swing him around to face me. “How bad is it?” I say firmly. “Only 54 stitches and from what I can tell a bad concussion.” He chuckles. “Fuck... why the fuck were ya out’ere lookin fer me? Ya coulda died Paul.” I say angrily. “I could of died when you were beating me to pulp as well Daryl.” He says stopping and turning towards me. “I... I didn’t want to fucking kill you Paul.” I say increasing my pace. “I know you didn’t and you also didn’t want to hurt me.” He says running after me. I can’t fucking believe this shit. This fucker actually thinks he knows me. “Where are we goin’?” I ask roughly. “Back home.” He says cheerfully. “Nuh uh not fuckin’ happenin’” I stop in my tracks and turn around. “Yes it is Daryl! I am taking you home!” He says sternly. “Yer not my fuckin mother Paul” I say as I keep walking. “Daryl please. I’m not gonna sleep knowing that you’re still out here in this condition. Just please come home with me...” “Not my home.” I hear him running to catch up to me. Fucking dumbass, he’s worried about my condition. He’s the one with 54 stitches and a bad concussion. Why the fuck does he care anyway? “Daryl it’s not home without you...” I feel him grab my arm. “Let go” I growl under my breath. “What are you going to do Daryl, punch me again? We already know how that went. Just come home and stop being a stubborn ass.” He tightens his grip on my arm. He’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. “Just go home Paul.” I shake his grip and keep walking. “DARYL DIXON! Stop walking right this instance! You are coming back home, with me. We need you back there and I know you think whatever happened out there is your fault but it’s not. Not until you prove to me that it is. I don’t even know what happened Daryl. But I do know it was bad and you’re in pain and angry and blaming yourself for what happened. So you’re letting it all out with aggression. I know this because I lived through it. Just come home Daryl... please.” I hear him sigh, I had stopped walking. I know I’m not welcomed back there. Maybe Paul thinks so but Maggie won’t want me back and that means the others won’t either. “Why do ya care so much?” I ask. “Because you are family Daryl. So for once don’t leave your family when they need you most. I know this is your way of coping but they need you...” I turn around to face him. He’s frowning his eyes full of worry. He’s not smiling, he doesn’t have that cheerful tone. “Fine, but if I get one bad word or look I’m leavin’” I might as well go he ain’t gonna give up. I see him smile and start walking back home, the sun is setting, we won’t be back before dark. We walk in silence, normally I like silence but... this was awkward. “So... um why don’t ya cut yer hair?” That was such a stupid ass question. Why am I tryin’ to make conversation? “You’re one to talk.” He chuckles. “But if you must know, I like it like this and I keep it this way now because it reminds me of my past life... before all this... it reminds me of the kids smiles as I taught them karate... how they’d call me Jesus. How once I cut it, because my boyfriend made me and one of the little girls cried and cried. She said I wasn’t the same without my long hair. That I didn’t look as ‘badass’ as she put it without long hair. So I decided I’d keep it long because it was my choice not my boyfriends. She made me realize I could make my own decisions. But I guess I only actually put that realization into action after the world ended.” I see him chuckle and shake his head as we walk through the dark forest. “The world didn’t end... it just started all over again” I remember how Carl said this was just a new beginning. Another chance to make things right. I hear soft growling, then more growling and more as we kept walking. Fuck it’s getting closer and it sounds like a herd. I see Paul glance back at me and then nod to the left. I squint through my hair and see 5 walkers just coming into view through the trees. I look at Paul and motion to the right, a longer way but it’ll get us back. He nods and I start heading down the hill, I hear his noiseless footsteps behind me. I hear thudding as we reach the halfway mark on the hill. Then growling I turn and see walkers tripping and rolling down the hill one of them heading straight towards Paul. “PAUL!” I yell as the walker rolls into him and knocks him off his feet. Fuck he’s not moving, why isn’t he trying to fight it!? I run over jumping and dodging the falling walkers. I take out my knife and stab it in the head. It goes limp and I role it off of him. I see blood and lift his head. Fuck he hit his head on a rock. I check him over for bites. I see teeth marks torn into his pocket. I can’t tell if there’s blood. Fuck... I wrestle his coat off of him and throw it to the side. There was no bite... How did it tear through the leather without biting him? That don’t matter he’s alive and bleeding. I grab his trench coat and rip off the sleeve and tie it tightly around his head. I go through his trench coat pockets quickly to make sure he doesn’t have knives or ammo. Instead I find a wooden figurine... the figurine Dwight made for me. To apologize and say he didn’t know, when we got attacked. It had bite marks in it. I stuff it into my pocket and pick up Paul, very carefully. Luckily where he had fallen had been shielded by an old oak so no walkers could get to us. Now it was just a matter of dodging the rest of them. I look down the hill, I see them stacking up at the bottom stumbling to get up. There moans and growls echoing in the night air. I can’t go up there are too many... I have to use the hill to my advantage. I set Paul down carefully leaning him against the oak. I take my crossbow off my back and empty my pockets. A lighter, cigarettes, my red kerchief, extra crossbow wire. I stuff all my things back in my pockets and grab the wire, I tie it to my arrow and the other side to a strong branch on the oak. I pick the most solid soft wooded tree and shoot, first making sure there was enough wire to make it there. Direct hit, I untie the wire from the oak and pull it as tight as possible and tie it again. I wait, I see a walker crest the hill and trip and stumble down the hill. It hits the wire, I wait, another one comes it hits the wire. It holds creaking and loosening each time but it’ll hold for a few more walkers. I swing my crossbow over my shoulder and pick up Paul. I take a run for it, as fast as I can run with a limp body in my arms that I’m trying to keep from bleeding out, balancing trying not to fall down a steep hill with at least 30 walkers at the bottom waiting for us. Fuck I throw Paul over my shoulder and grab my knife. I hear a snap the wire finally gave out. I see a walker tumble down beside us and hit the others knocking two more down. That’s it! I look back up to where the wire was, six walkers were stacked up rolling down the hill towards us. I jump out of the way nearly dropping Paul. I see them each hit the bottom of the hill and knock others down..... now. I grip my knife and run for it dodging the flesh eating corpses as they lunge for us. I slice my knife through there heads as I dodge the outstretched decaying arms. The snapping jaws trying to bite anything that has a heartbeat. After a while, the sweat and blood mixed into one as the herd thinned out. I see the Hilltop walls and start yelling. “OPEN THE GATES!!! OPEN THE GATES!!!” I hear creaking as the doors open as I round the corner of the walls and over the small spike fences. I run through the gates, soaked in blood. So much blood, I didn’t know if it was Paul’s, mine or the dead’s. “SIDDIQ!” I yell, in moments people were turning on their lights rushing out of their houses and trailers. I see Siddiq swing open the infirmary door and set Paul down on one of the beds. “Head wound he fell on a rock.” I say quickly. Siddiq nods and I stand over him watching him work. “Hold him up, I need to get an oxygen tube down his throat. He’s breathing blood.” I jump up and hold Paul up. I hear gagging and then see blood start filling up the tube coming from his throat. I hear sucking and see more and more blood being pumped out. “Lay him back down.” I hear Siddiq say. I lay him down gently. “What next?” I ask looking at Paul worriedly. The fucking dumbass ninja hippie prick, I told him he could’a died out there lookin’ fer me. Yet he did it anyway. He almost died again because of me. I look at the tube it was no longer full of blood. “We remove the tube.” Siddiq says. I sit him back up again and watch as Siddiq slides the tube out of Paul’s throat. I lay him back down. “Now all we can do is wait. He’s tough, his concussion is going to go from bad to deadly though. We just need to make sure nothing gets infected, because that’s a death sentence...” Siddiq says. I nod slightly and sit down on the metal chair placed next to the bed. I close my eyes I haven’t slept in forever. I feel Siddiq poke me. “Before you sleep, wash your face and hands. This is supposed to be a clean area.” He says passing me a wet towel. I growl, and take the towel, the pure white towel... I wipe the blood off my face and hands and look at the towel now stained red... tarnished just like everything else. I sigh and throw it on the floor. “Really?” I hear Siddiq sigh and bend over to pick up the towel. I watch him throw it into a basket near the door. “You good watching him? I’m exhausted.” I nod and scrape my chair closer to the bed so that I can rest my head on the mattress. I close my eyes, Glenn..... Abraham.... Denise.... Lucille..... Negan...... Carl...... Cell..... Dark.... Paul.... PAUL. My eyes spark open. I can’t close them again. I can’t bring myself to, too many images... I look up at Paul, bloody... bruised... stitches covering his smooth skin and swelling blocking out those beautiful ocean blue eyes. I sigh I drop my head back down on the mattress. This is all my fault... all my .... fault... all...my..fault. I feel warm tears start sliding down my face. Fuck, no I’m not weak... but all of my actions have been... maybe I am.. everything is my fault. I take out my lighter and light it. I press the palm of my hand to the flame. It burns and it hurts like hell but it’s what I deserve. This pain is nothing compared to the pain I’ve caused. I just look at my flesh slowly becoming charred, slowly starting to become raw. I have no tears I just sit back and watch my hand burn. I don’t even feel the pain anymore...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus POV <3

Light...... it’s so bright...... where am I?....... I smell burning flesh... Suddenly a sharp pain shoots through my head enough to make me scream in pain. “PAUL!” I hear an urgent voice. I feel someone grab my arm. “SIDDIQ!” I hear the same voice yell. Then it goes dark again. 

“Jesus? Jesus can you hear me?” Light... again and more p... pain. It hurts so much. I try and focus my vision and see a blurry face staring down at me. “Si..ddiq?” I wheeze. I see bright light hitting my eyes, one way then the next. “His eyes are working.” I hear Siddiq say. “D...daryl?” I cough out. “I’m ‘ere Paul...” I feel another sharp pain and I scream again. I feel something go into my arm and the pain dulls immediately. I feel a glass being raised to my lips and I drink, coughing and gagging but I get some down. “He’ll be fine. Just a lot of hardcore recovery.” Siddiq says. I try turning my head to the side, it feels like my head weighs a thousand pounds... “I have to go on my night run and check on everyone else. Daryl watch him. If he seizures let him and yell for me. If the bleeding starts heavily again try and stop it best you can then yell for me. You know how to work the oxygen tube. I’ll be back.” I hear Siddiq say and then a door open and close. I close my eyes, it’s silent. “I’m sorry Paul.... I’m so... so sorry.” I hear a choked voice say beside me. I turn my head with a lot of effort and let my vision adjust. I see Daryl holding his head in his hands tears dripping onto his lap. “Why?” I croak. “I almost killed ya... twice...” he says with an ‘isn’t it obvious’ voice. “Not your... fault.” I say shakily. “Dammit Paul it is my fault! Why r’ya always so fuckin’ happy and forgiving? Life is shit!” I hear him say angrily. “Because we’re alive” I say smiling at him. I see him lift his head a bit and look at me. His eyes are red and blood is stamped on his face where he was holding his head with his hands. I see tears tattoo his cheeks and wash through the thick layer of grime on his face. “The blood.” I say pointing lazily to his face. His hands and arms looked clean and his face was too besides that bit of blood and I couldn’t see a wound. I see him shift and look at his hand and quickly slide it into his pocket. “Show me your hand” I say. I see him shake his head. I hold out my hand waiting for him to show me. He doesn’t move. “Don’t make me argue with you...” I croak out. I see Daryl sigh and take his hand out from his pocket. He lays his hand in mine but keeps it in a fist. “Open” I say shakily. “Nah” I hear him say gruffly, he’s looking the other way hanging his head, his long hair covering his face. “Please Daryl...” I ask trying to soften my tone. I see his fist relax a bit and then he opens his hand. I swallow and pull his hand closer to my face. The palm of his hand has a wide shallow hole in it. The middle was raw and bleeding and closer to the edges the skin was charred and black. He doesn’t say a word just hides. Pretends like he’s not here. This wasn’t an accident... I smelled the burning flesh when I was waking up. He did this to himself. I can’t help it I feel tears start running down my cheeks. “Daryl...” I say, I can tell it’s clear in my voice that I’m crying. I see him tense when I say his name. “Please look at me...” I say. I feel him going to pull his hand away but I grab his wrist. “LET GO!” I hear him yell. I sigh and let go of his hand as he rips it out of my loose grip. I see him stand, his hair hanging over his face. His chest heaving.. he’s upset really upset. “Daryl...” I cough hysterically. “Daryl please calm down...” I cough more. I feel my throat tightening and I start coughing more. I reach out my hand trying to grab the water Siddiq left on the table next to the bed. I can’t find it.. then I feel water hit my cracked lips. I gulp it down and feel my throat loosening from its dry state. When I finish drinking I’m out of breath, most likely because I couldn’t breath before hand. “You good.” I hear Daryl say in a ‘not like I care’ voice. I blink slightly as a yes. I see him pull the chair up more even with me and sit down. I feel the pain still in the back of my head. Like someone is playing ping-pong inside my head with a spear. I shudder as the pain shoots through my body. Whatever he gave me before must’ve worn off when I had my coughing fit. I can feel the pain slowly coming back. Daryl is sitting shoulder level with me now. He’s leaning back staring at the ceiling. His burned hand stuffed in his pocket and the other hand gripping his leg tightly. Another shock of pain washes over me and I swallow the pain. I can feel myself starting to sweat profusely as the medications wear off and the pain returns. I feel another sharp pain as bad as before. I scream and swallow hard. I reach out and grab Daryls hand tightly. I feel him startle as I squeeze his hand as the excruciating sharpness washes over me. I feel it leave again and my hand relaxes. I feel Daryl pull his hand away quickly. “Please...” I stutter out looking at him sweat dripping into my eyes. “What?” He says glaring at me through his hair. “Hold... my hand?” I say shaking. I see him hesitate and then he reaches out and holds my hand in his. “Than-“ I stutter but he cuts me off. “Shut up.” He says staring at the ground. I sigh and shudder again I feel another wave of pain wash over me and I grab Daryls hand tighter squeezing hard. I don’t even feel him flinch. I hold back my scream this time, I’m breathing heavily as I feel that wave of pain wash away yet again. It went on like this for what felt like forever. Then I here a door open and Daryl rip his warm rough comforting hand away from mine. “He’s in a lot of pain.” Daryl says quickly nodding towards me and shoving his hand in his pocket. “I’ll get the meds.” I hear footsteps approaching then a stab in my arm. The pain dulls again and my muscles relax. “Daryl go get some sleep, there’s a bed through the door on the left. I’ll stay with him.” Siddiq tells Daryl. No, no I don’t want Daryl to leave... I see Daryl look at me through his hair and then back at Siddiq. “Nah, I’m fine.” Daryl says in his rough voice. I relax again, he’s staying by my side. Siddiq nods and heads off to the room he mentioned before. “Thank you..” I say looking at Daryl. I turn to look at the ceiling again. I close my eyes, comforted by the fact that Daryl is with me. I’m drifting off the heavy pain killers making me tired when I feel fingertips brush mine, I open my eyes and look to Daryl. He’s staring at the ground his hair covering his face. I look down to my hand. His hand is next to mine. His finger tips barely placed over mine. I smile, and slide my hand over his interlacing my fingers with his. I see his shoulders tense and I squeeze his hand softly. He relaxes his shoulders a bit, still staring at the floor. Pretending he’s not here, like I can’t see him. I sigh, why did he place his hand there? I smile and close my eyes.   
I wake up to pain washing over me not as bad as before. I open my eyes, it’s dark the lights are out. I look to where Daryl was and I see an empty chair. I don’t feel the warmth of his hand. More pain washes over me, I tense and swallow it down. What if he left again? I can’t let him leave not after... What am I thinking, I’m not... I’m not thinking it’s the drugs. The drugs are just making me think that I’m crushing on Daryl, the one man here that’s as straight as a damn flag pole. Pain shoots through my head again. God dammit, even if I’m not crushing on him... I can’t damn well let him leave again. He’s one of us... he’s family. I sit up slowly, pain shooting through my entire body. I gasp and bite my tongue to keep down the pain. I slide my legs off the bed. So far so good. I just need to find Carol... she’s like Daryls sister. She’ll bring him back safely. I stand slowly collapsing against the wall. I grab onto the cabinet my legs jelly. I move slowly to the door. Resisting passing out as the pain stabs through me. I’m almost at the door. One more step and I can turn the handle and yell for Carol. She’s in the next trailer over... it won’t be too hard. I’m about to grab the door handle when the door swings open. I stumble backwards falling catching myself with my elbows so I don’t hit my head, I shut my eyes tight in pain. I then feel strong arms lifting me up. I feel myself being set gently on the bed. I open my eyes slightly, seeing Daryl panting, eyes wide. I see his worried expression outlined in the moonlight shining through the open shudders as he leans over me scanning my face. “Why the fuck were you up?” I here Daryl say in a shaky gruff voice. “Looking for you.” I shudder in pain. “Why?” He asks frowning. “I was afraid you’d leave again...” I get out before I feel the pain wash over me again. My entire body tenses and I shudder out a quiet scream. “I’m not gonna’ leave ya when yer in this condition ya prick... especially when it’s my fault...” I hear him say quietly as he finds my hand and holds it as he sees another wave of pain wash over me. I try to focus on the warmth of Daryls hand, but it’s not just warm, it’s slick with... My thoughts are cut off by growling. “Dammit!” I hear Daryl say as he let’s go of my hand. I hear the growling stop, then a thud and the trailer door close. I hear Daryls jagged breathing as he grabs his kerchief and wipes his hands then sits down beside me. “Why.. was there a walker inside... the walls?” I make out under my breath. “The Saviours covered their weapons and ammunition in walker guts... Hilltop is red.” I hear him sigh and I grab his hand away from his face holding it in mine. I feel the mattress sink slightly as Daryl rests his head on the bed next to my side. I feel the searing pain spread over me like wildfire and I bite it down. I sigh and close my eyes. I have to sleep, just that small amount of sleep helped... I need to heal quickly for Hilltop, for Daryl.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl POV <3  
> This one went a little crazy! Let’s just say Daryl turns into Merle when he drinks to much!

I open my eyes, it’s still dark. I check my pocket watch, 6:00. I look up at Paul, he’s fast asleep. I slide my hand out from his grip and stand up quietly. I grab my crossbow that was leaning against the wall and open the trailer door. I take one last look at Paul before I walk out into crisp morning air. A few people are awake getting a head start on the day, but besides them I’m alone. Everything is quiet... peaceful. I walk up to the gates and nod up to the guards. They open the gates and I slide out into the darkness of early morning. I look towards the woods and wind my way through the tall cornfield towards the trees. I break through the last of the cornstalks and make my way to the woods. I sigh and walk into the woods farther and farther. No tracks, only walker trails. I sigh and slump down beside a tree. I set my crossbow in my lap and hold my head in my hands. Then everything starts flooding back to me. Paul asking me to hold his hand and me actually holding it. I was trying to comfort him he was in a lot of pain. But he’s gay, oh god what if he thought of that as somethin’ more then it was. I can’t think like that, not all gays are attracted to every man that is friends with them... right? Ugh why’d I leave this mornin’ I should’ve stayed with him. But I needed to be alone, see if I could find somethin’ to eat for breakfast. I remember last night, I almost lost Paul... my best friend. Because I was being foolish and stupid. If I could of just held my damn shit together he wouldn’t be in pain, he wouldn’t be in this mess. I almost killed him twice... yet when he woke up and I wasn’t there last night he almost got himself severely injured again just trying to find me. I really don’t understand him. I reach into my pocket pulling out the wooden figurine Dwight made of me. I turn it in my rough calloused hands. The wood was stained with splatters of blood and the once smooth surface now had a walker bite engraved into the soft wood. Dwight you bastard yer never gonna stop savin’ us huh? I turn the figurine over and look at the words engraved in the back, ‘I didn’t know’. I sigh, he damn proved himself. I should go see him and thank him.. for everything he’s done. I stand up and swing my crossbow back over my shoulder. I start walking back and I see a squirrel start running up a tall oak. I quickly pull my crossbow and aim. I wait for it to turn to my side of the tree again and... “squeek”. I walk up to the tree and pull my arrow out gathering the squirrel and hanging it on my belt. I continue trudging through the forest, the sun finally rising casting shadows. As I reach the edge of the forest I look out over the fields. Workers are gathering and caring for the crops now. I look at the sky a mixture of scarlet, citruses and pinks scatter themselves across the atmosphere. I feel the sun hitting my eyes as I stare into the hopeful light. I start walking back, some people nod to me, others ignore me and some are scared in my presence. I walk up the dirt road to the front gates as they squeal open. I walk in and run right into Maggie. “Daryl! We need to talk...” “Mhm” I mumble under my breath while staring at the dusty earth underneath my boots. I follow her up to Barrington and trail behind her into her office. “I’m going to start talking and YOU are going to listen Dixon.” I hear her say as she sits on her desk, arms crossed in front of her. I nod my head and listen to what she has to say. “First off I’m sorry for pushing you. I didn’t know what had happened and I’m sorry. Second off Rick and Michonne still aren’t back, and lastly how is Jesus doing?” “S’fine... sorry for breakin’ yer door. I left before light this mornin’ haven’t checked on him since.” I say standing up adjusting my crossbow. “I’ll come with you and check in on him if you don’t mind?” Maggie says getting up. I nod and walk across the grass weaving in between the picnic tables and people. I get to the Infirmary and swing open the door. I see Paul sitting up arguing with Siddiq from across the room. I cough and shift my stance looking at Paul then Siddiq. They both stop arguing and swing their heads towards me. “DARYL!” Paul yells at me frowning. Siddiq walks over to me and grabs my shoulder “Thank god you’re back, he wouldn’t stop yelling at me to go find you. He was afraid you’d run off again and not come back.” He says quietly as I flinch away from his touch. I nod and walk over to Paul’s side. “Lay yer ass back down ya need rest” I say roughly, scowling at him. “I thought you had left again Daryl... you haven't been yourself. You worried me especially since you left before I woke up. You didn’t even leave a note or tell someone. You just disappeared!” He says staring at me pissed off. I glare at him, “What I do is none of yer damn business! You wouldn’t be in this fuckin’ mess if ya would of just fuckin’ left me alone!” I say angrily, I turn to leave and I feel Maggie grab my arm. Shit I forgot she was here. “Daryl! That’s enough! Why are you being such an ass?” I feel her grab my arm tighter. I can tell she’s pissed off and at her limit of bullshit. “Maybe cause everyone is all up in my ass! Y’all won’t fuckin’ leave me alone!” I feel her let go of my arm and I storm out of the Infirmary. I start walking towards the gates again when I feel someone grab my shoulder. I tense my hand and swing around to punch who ever it is in the face. But when I do I hit air. “Too slow Daryl.” I here Dwights voice as he dodges my hit. I sigh and lower my fist. “You wanna come have a drink with me?” Dwight asks as soon as I lower my fist. “Why not” I grumble and follow him to his trailer. I sit down on the couch and Dwight asks “What do you want?” “What do ya got?” I reply. “Beer, wine, scotch, vodka, moonshine, tequila, peach Schnapps... pretty much everything.” He answers grabbing himself a bottle of scotch. “I’ll take the moonshine.” I say as he grabs it out of his cabinet and tosses it to me. I unscrew the lid and chug it. “Woah slow down man. Whats got you drinkin’ like that?” He asks sinking into the seat beside me taking swigs from his bottle of scotch. I stay quiet and stand up to get another jar of moonshine. “Ah, that was a stupid question.” He answers himself after a while. I chug another jar and then another and then another. 

It’s dark already, we’ve just been talking about how things used to be. “So how’s Paul holding up?” Dwight asks slurring his words a bit. “Don’t even mention that fuckin’ prick.” “Whoa what’s going on with him?” “I swear the fuckin gay prick is in love with me or some shit. That’s the only explanation I have for his stupid fuckin’ reactions to whenever I leave.” “That’s a tad homophobic but okay. That doesn’t give you a reason to be mad at him. Does it?” “That prick almost got us both killed last night!” I say standing up pointing at the infirmary with another jar of moonshine in my hand. “Sit back down man, how many of those have you had?” “I lost count once I hit 7.” I slur. “Anyway so what if he’s gay? So what if he likes you? Tell him to fuck off and that you’re not interested. Oh and he only almost got you killed cause he was looking for you. Which means he cares about you.” Dwight says setting his bottle down and looking at me frowning. “Ya know what? Yer right!” I say loudly as I throw my crossbow over my shoulder and kick his trailer door open, taking another swig of the moonshine I start walking unsteadily towards the infirmary. “What are you doing Daryl?” I hear Dwight shout after me. I just raise my hand and flick him off. I trip up the steps to the infirmary and kick the door open, hard, making it slam against the tin wall. With moonshine in hand I stumble into the infirmary. “Daryl? What the hell are you doing?” I hear Jesus ask me confused. I walk right up to his bed and lean down over his face. “D... Daryl what are you doing?” He asks me again stuttering. “You wreak of alcohol!” He starts talking faster. I move closer to his face not saying a word. “What are y-!” I cut him off and smash my lips against his kissing him sloppily. I feel him pushing on my chest trying to get me off, but he’s too weak. I finally pull away. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” He yells at me. “I BET YOU LIKED THAT HUH?! YOU GAY FUCKIN’ PRICK!” I yell in his face. “WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIKE THAT!?” He screams back at me. I see Siddiq run out of his room half asleep. I turn around and see Maggie, Enid, Carol, Alden, Aaron, Dwight and Ezekiel rush in. “What is going on here?” Maggie says sternly. In great surprise Paul, sorry Jesus responds, “Just go Maggie, it’s fine.” He says to Maggie still glaring at me. I glare back at him and chug the rest of the moonshine. The others still haven’t left. “WELL SINCE IT LOOKS LIKE Y’ALL AREn T GONNA LEAVE ENJOY THE FUCKIN SHOW!” I yell smashing the nearly empty bottle of moonshine on the floor. “DARYL!” I hear Maggie yell. “Leave it Maggie!” Jesus says sternly. “SO jEsUs! I FIGURED OUT YOUR LITTLE GAME!” I slur. Pointing my finger in his face. “What game Daryl?” He says crossing his arms and sitting up carefully. His voice sounds pissed off but he’s not raising it. “YOUR LITTLE GAME TO MAKE ME YOUR LITTLE TOY! MAKE ME ALMOST KILL YOU TWICE SO THAT ID FEEL BAD! SO THAT ID BE STUCK HERE BY YOUR SIDE WHILE YOU TRY AND WORK YOUR LITTLE FUCKIN GAY MAGIC ON ME! THAT AINT HAPPENIN’ I AINT BECOMING A FAGGOT LIKE YOU! IM NOT GONNA STAND AROUND AND LET SOMEONE ELSE FUCKIN TOY WITH ME AND HURT ME! I THOUGHT YOU WERE FAMILY, FAMILY THAT I HAD TO HELP PROTECT! BUT IT TURNS OUT I HAVE TO PROTECT MY FAMILY FROM YOU!” I holler, out of breath pacing from one side of the room to the next pointing aggressively at him. When I finally stop and look at him he’s sitting there eyes watering. “Wow Daryl... and to think I thought that you actually were a good guy...” I hear him gulp under his breath as he says it. I look back to the others, all their eyes are wide and some have their mouths covered in shock. “So that’s what you think of us. Heh, I’m with Jesus I thought you were a good guy.” I see Aaron walk forwards squaring me up. “You see us as faggots,” he shakes his head “as people who are going to use you and hurt you and your family?” “Yeah, yeah I do.” I say growling at him. “BULLSHIT!” I feel his fist hit me in the face. I fall to the ground and grab my head, I pull my hand away and see blood. My vision is going in and out. “You’re drunk as hell and acting like a fool. Now I know for a fact that you don’t think that. You helped me get through when I lost Eric and I can tell you care about Jesus, because he’s family. You are NOT sexist and you are NOT homophobic. Maybe you are when you’re drunk. But you ARE a good man, so get your ass up and either apologize to Jesus or go take guard. Because if you spew anymore bullshit I will knock you out. I already made you bleed pretty bad, I don’t want to make it worse.” Aaron stands over me. “You couldn’t knock me out if you had Lucille.” when I said that everything went quiet. “LEAVE NOW!” Aaron yells in my face pointing at the door. “AND WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?” I yell at him standing up. I get right in his face squaring him up. “Daryl, you seem to forget I have a metal arm.” Aaron says staring at me not moving an inch. “Oh I didn’t forget.” I say lifting my fist to punch him. But before I can, I feel metal hit my gut. I vomit and stumble a bit. Then I feel Aaron’s metal fist hit me over the head. “Fucking idiot...” I hear Aaron say as everyone starts to leave. I feel myself hit the floor. Then everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus POV <3

The sun hits my eyelids and I open my eyes. The sun is shining through the open shutters. I sigh and remember last night. The only reason I got any sleep was because Siddiq gave me diphenhydramine. Everything hurts, but at least I’m not having the shocks of pain anymore. I lean over onto my side and grab the glass of water on my night stand. I sit up and drink the water grabbing a few pain meds and swigging them down with it. I set the glass down and reach for the mirror. I hold it up to my face hesitantly. My face looks like it’s being held together with stitches. “Ahem. We’ll be able to remove those stitches tomorrow. They weren’t big cuts there were just a lot of them.” I hear Siddiq walk up beside me. He turns my head and unwraps it taking a look at my head wound. “It looks a bit better already. How does it feel?” He asks as he wraps it up again with a clean bandage. “Painful.” I say as I feel the pressure of the bandage around my wound again. “Do you need anything else before I do my run?” Siddiq asks. “No I’m good. Thank you, Siddiq.” I nod to him as he walks out. I sigh and rub my face, it’s sensitive but I can touch it. I’m about to lay back down when I here arguing outside. I stop moving and sit back up scooting to the end of the bed. I strain trying to here the conversation. “I’m sorry I can’t let you see him.” Thats Siddiqs voice...? “I have to see him! Let me in!” A gruff voice argues back sternly.... Daryl. Why did he act like that? I know he was drunk as hell, but that really hurt emotionally and physically. I guess I have to speak with him. “Come on man I need to see him!” I hear Daryl speak again. I sigh and raise my voice as loud as I dare without hurting my head too much. “Just let him in Siddiq!” I shout. I hear the door click and I see Siddiq come in, Daryl in foot behind him. “Are you sure Jesus?” He asks frowning. I nod, “Please just leave, Daryl and I need to talk...” Siddiq looks at me worriedly and then leaves and closes the door. I look up at Daryl, he’s standing across the room looking at the ground chewing on his thumb. “Dary-“ “Tell me what I did last night.. exactly please?” He asks quietly. I nod “You told me that I was using you as a toy and that I was a gay faggot and you weren't going to let me turn you into one. Oh and you also kissed me and yelled ‘I bet you liked that didn’t you prick’. Which actually I didn’t like it and it hurt my head badly. You also smashed a jar of alcohol on the floor and yelled at everyone, which after you were done with your rant about me, you proceeded to attempt to fight Aaron and you failed miserably. Do I have to go on because I could.” I raved at him, staring daggers. He doesn’t respond he just hides his face in his hands and slides to the floor. I wait a few minutes but he’s still just sitting there on the floor against the wall. “Answer me Daryl.” I say sternly. “I’m... so sorry Paul...” I hear him mumble through his hands. “That’s not going to cut it Daryl...” I say sighing. “And move your hands from your face I can barely here you.” I see him drop his hands to his knees and look up at me through his hair. He glances away quickly though. “I turn into my brother when I’m drunk.. that’s why I never let myself get drunk... I’d never say those things to ya Paul... never mind even think those things ‘bout you... or Aaron. I just can’t ... stop ... hurting .... everyone...” I hear his voice waver as he nears the end of his talking. I can tell he’s trying not to cry. Ugh why is he such an ass yet so... I don’t even know how to explain it... “It’s done, it happened. You were drunk and upset. I believe you, you are a good man I take back what I said last night. Just promise me you won’t get drunk again.” I say in a calm tone as calm a tone I can muster. “I swear.” Daryl says quietly. “Now get up and let me see Aaron’s damage.” I see him hesitate but he gets to his feet slowly. He walks over to me even slower. “I can’t see the damage with your hair in your face...” I say exasperated. “Tha’s the point.” he grunts. “Fine then show me how your hand is doing.” “Nah” he says just standing there. “Daryl you’re pissing me off.. I’m just trying to make conversation.” I say glaring at him. I see him lift his thumb up and start chewing on it. I grab his arm quickly and unfold his hand before he can realize what I’m doing. He tenses and tries to pull back. “Please... let go. I don’t want to hurt you...” he says sadly. I loosen my grip and he returns his hand to his pocket. “Why won’t you let me see your wounds?” I ask confused. He grumbles in response and sits down in the metal chair beside the bed. “Answer me Daryl. You’re so afraid of hurting me but I also think that you’re afraid that I’m going to hurt you...” I say sighing. I see him gulp and shift uncomfortably in the chair. “Find it hard to trust anyone...” he mumbles. “Do you really think I’m going to hurt you Daryl?” I ask resting my hand on his shoulder. He flinches away... again. “I’m sorry Paul. I can’t let myself get close to anyone...” he says shakily. This guy has too many issues for one person to handle all by themselves... “Why not?” I ask softly. He shrugs his shoulders still staring at the floor. “I know there’s a reason Daryl.” I say. “I uh... I don’t want to talk about it...” I hear his voice waver and break again. “Daryl I know you’re crying... what happened to you...?” I say letting my sadness creep into my voice. I see him grab his face. His body shakes as he silently cries to himself. “Daryl no one has told me anything... what happened?” I ask again. I hear him whimper, he sounds like a hurt puppy... “Carl... died... Glenn... died... because of me... I almost killed... you... Denise was shot with... my arrow... my crossbow...” He can barely get out his words. I get up and wrap my arms around him. He flinches but doesn’t pull away he just lets it out. “You’re okay.. it’s not your fault Daryl...” I say my eyes watering. When I got him out of the Sanctuary he was in horrible condition. But I never suspected if they had done anything to him until now. He just seemed more broken after that, he’s been so distant... “What did Negan do to you?” I ask hesitantly. I feel him tense. I let go of him and he stands up. “Daryl!? I’m sorry we don’t have to talk about it!” I yell after him but he’s already slamming the door. Ughhhhh. I grab my face and collapse back onto the bed. I forgive him for last night I really do. Now I’m just worried about him. Daryl... DARYL was crying and letting me comfort him... for a few seconds. He seems so cold. So empty, emotionless but really he’s probably the most emotional person I know. He needs help or else he’s going to break. Hell he’s already breaking, I just have to make sure he doesn’t fall apart. His question runs through my head ‘Why do you care?’ And in all honesty I don’t have a clue. Why am I trying to fight the fact that my heart is pulling me to him... I can’t control it so why am I fighting it, ignoring it? Heh, after last night how have my feelings not wavered? He was so... homophobic. But I know that isn’t the real him. I saw a piece of his façade fall away today. At least I know he trusts me enough to do that or maybe he was just too broken to care at that moment. Either way I feel the need to help him. I close my eyes, thinking about it is making my head hurt. I’m drifting off when I hear the door to the infirmary click open. I open my eyes and sit up slowly. Aaron walks in and closes the door behind him. He walks over to me and sits down on the bed beside me. “How are you holding up after last night?” Aaron asks looking at me concerned. “I’m fine actually. He was drunk and he actually came to see me this morning and apologized.” I respond. “So you’re just going to let him off just like that?” Aaron says growling out ‘him’. “I know he didn’t mean any of it. He’s going through a rough time. I accepted his apology.” I say looking at Aaron confused. I know Aaron holds grudges but is he really that upset at Daryl? “I should have hit him harder.” Aaron says staring at the wall gritting his teeth. I sigh and chuckle, “He said he never gets drunk because that’s what happens. He swore he wouldn’t get drunk like that again. I trust him, he’s one of the good guys Aaron.” I see Aaron sigh and slump down he rubs his face with his non-metal hand. “I just can’t believe he treated you like that. I’m so sorry Jesus.” He says looking at me with concerned eyes. “Well thank you for coming to my rescue my knight in shining armour.” I laugh out. Aaron chuckles “I’m more like your knight with a shining arm but close enough.” I sway a bit the laughing making me light headed. “Are you okay?” Aaron asks quickly grabbing my arm steadying me. “I’m fine Aaron, just a little light headed from the laughing.” I say placing my hand on his hand that’s holding my arm. I smile at him, he’s a good guy, he always wants what’s best for everyone. He really is a good friend, I really do consider him like a brother. “Jesus...” I hear Aaron say quietly. I feel his cold metal hand caress my cheek. “What are you doing Aaron?” I ask confused. He doesn’t say anything just looks into my eyes. His eyes look so sad and hopeful. He leans in and kisses me softly. “Aaron... I” I mutter as he pulls away but he just kisses me again longer this time, sweeter. Why am I letting him kiss me? “Aaron” I mumble against his lips. I can’t bring myself to make him stop.. I don’t want to hurt him... He just wraps his arms around me. Pulling me close. Stop stop stop.... Aaron please stop... but I’m too weak to actually pull away from him. The pain meds are wearing off, it’s starting to hurt. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me, but. I hear a door open behind me and I feel Aaron pull away quickly. I grab onto the sheets so that I don’t fall and pass out. I’m so light headed I look over to the door way. Daryls standing there, he’s staring daggers at Aaron. I see Aaron stand up and walk towards Daryl. “I was just leaving.” Aaron says as he puts his hand on Daryls shoulder. Aaron’s about to keep walking when Daryl grabs him by the shirt collar and pins him against the wall. He swings his fist right into Aaron’s stomach. “What the fuck Daryl? You still mad about last night?” Aaron says regaining his composure. Daryl uppercuts his jaw and throws him towards the door. “Leave” Daryl growled. “If you do anything to him I’ll kill you.” Aaron growls back as he slams the infirmary door and leaves. Daryl just stands there breathing heavy staring at the door, fists still clenched. “Daryl?” I say his name cautiously. He swings around quickly and walks towards me. “Are you okay?” He says quickly in that rough voice of his. “I think so. He just...” he cuts me off “I know. Did he hurt you?” Daryl continues, scanning my face with his eyes. “Yes, but not on purpose.” I say reassuringly. “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him.” Daryl turns and heads for the door fists already clenched. “DARYL!” I yell, ugh that hurt. I can’t yell like that. I see Daryl stop and stare at the ground as if to say ‘what?’. “I need you here, not killing Aaron.” I say sternly. I see Daryls shoulders drop as he walks over and sits on the metal chair. “You know you can sit on the bed right?” I say. “You need to rest. Lay down.” He says sternly. I sigh and lay down on my side facing him. “Why was he here?” Daryl growls when he sees I’m not going to sleep. “Because he was checking on me after... last nights events. Do you not trust him anymore? You two were so close?” I ask in a quiet tone. “I don’t trust him after I walked in on him hurting you.” he answers. “He didn’t mean to hurt me...” “Don’t matter.” “He didn’t know he was hurting me Daryl!” “Ya were clearly tense, ya weren’t kissin’ him back and if he couldn’t see the fuckin’ tears rolling down yer face then he’s fuckin’ blind!” Daryl says in a menacing tone, one that makes me worry for Aaron’s safety. “How did YOU notice all those things?” I throw back at him. It’s not Aaron’s fault he hurt me. “Cause I know you, cause I care if yer okay or not and I’m not blind.” He says sounding pissed off. “Daryl, it happened. Aarons not here right now. Just relax you’re making my head hurt.” I sigh. Why does he suddenly care SO much about me... “I just want you to be safe... I can’t lose anyone else. Especially not you Paul.” He says sighing. He sounds so tired. “Have you slept at all Daryl?” I ask. “No” he says hesitantly. “Then get some sleep we both need it.” I say rolling over. “I’m not leavin’ you alone” he argues. “I never said you had to leave. Just take the other infirmary bed.” I hear his boots hitting the floor as he makes his way to the only other infirmary bed next to mine. I watch him lay down. He doesn’t take off his boots or his bloody angel wing vest. He just lays there one knee up laying on his back with his arm behind his head. “What are you lookin’ at?” his rough voice questions me. “A man that probably hasn’t showered since the world ended.” I say flatly. “Fuck off.” He huffs rolling onto his side facing away from me. I chuckle and close my eyes drifting off to the sound of Daryls snoring.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl POV <3
> 
> (I have 11 chapters written so far! So I’m going to post them all now!)

I wake up after light for once. I actually slept last night... No nightmares nothing. I sit up and rub my face getting the grogginess off. It’s still tender from Aarons metal fist. “Good morning” Paul’s already awake perky voice echoes. “Mornin’” I say standing up. “Rare to see you awake after light.” he says as I head for the door. “Yeah.” I pause and say as I close the door and head to the centre of Hilltop. Breakfast was already set out on the picnic tables and more was being cooked. I stood in line waiting. People were staring at me. I just kept my head down. I see the person ahead of me shift uncomfortably and then leave the line. I sigh and move forwards. I try and think of something else and end up landing on last night. I can’t believe I let myself get drunk... Why did I say those things to him. I don’t think of him like that or Aaron like that. And why the fuck would I kiss him. Why the hell would he accept my apology why is he so forgiving? Why did I let myself be weak in front of him? Why did I cry in front of him? I clench my jaw, nothing makes sense... “Daryl!” I hear my name and I look up. I’m next in line, I take the plate from Tammi’s hand. “Another fer Paul.” I ask. She nods and makes another plate handing it to me. I nod to her and start back to the infirmary. I walk up the steps and kick the door open lightly. I walk in and kick the door closed behind me. “Got breakfast.” I say nodding at the food. Paul sits up and I hand him the plate. “We’re not having squirrel?” He asks teasingly. “Thought ya would prefer this.” I chortle as I sit down on the bed across from him and dig in. “Nothing’s better then your cooking.” He laughs as he picks up the deer hamburger Tammi had made for everyones breakfast. “You’ve only ever tasted the squirrels I’ve hunted.” I snort. “Well then you’re going to have to cook me something else and it better beat this deer burger, and no squirrel!” He challenges me. I chuckle, “Pshh easy.” I say as I finish off the burger, lick my fingers clean and set the plate on the nightstand. “How on earth did you finish that already, and use a damn cloth!” He says grabbing and tossing a hand towel at me. I catch it and throw it back to him. “Nah.” I say and grab my kerchief from my back pocket and wipe my mouth and hands. I stuff it back into my back pocket. “I don’t see how that cleans your face, it’s filthy!” Paul says in disgust. “I use it ta wipe the blood off.” I say shrugging. “That’s not... ugh why do I even try anymore.” I see him roll his eyes at me. “Try what?” I ask tilting my head looking at him. “To try and each you basic hygiene. Just because the world ended doesn’t mean hygiene did too!” He says chuckling and shaking his head. “On top of that you still haven’t cleaned the blood off your face!” He says smirking at me. I roll my eyes and grab my kerchief to wipe the blood off. “Nope not happening!” Paul grabs the kerchief out of my hand. “This now belongs to me until it is washed.” He says putting it down on the bed beside him. He picks up a clean cloth and sits down beside me. “What are ya doin’?” I ask looking at him confused. “Washing your face.” He says as he picks up his glass of water and flips it quickly onto the cloth and sets the glass back down. “Nope.” I say pushing his arm away as he raises it to my face. “Are you really going to make me fight you on this?” He says raising an eyebrow at me. “Fine. Only because you’re hurt.” I growl. He turns my head to face him and pushes my hair out my face. I feel the cold wet cloth brush my forehead, then down to my temple. He runs it across my cheek and I flinch in pain. “Still sensitive...” I growl. “Sorry” He chuckles. Once he’s washed my whole face, he just sits there and smirks up at me. “What?” I huff. “Nothing, I think this is the first time I’ve seen your face!” He laughs. “Shut up.” I punch him in the arm. “Ow!” Paul flinches and grabs his arm. “Dammit I’m sorry Paul...” I sigh exasperated. I just can’t stop hurting everyone. I turn and look at the floor. “Daryl, it’s fine!” I hear him laugh. I tilt my head and look at him. His eyes are back to twinkling as he smiles softly at me. “Are ya sure I didn’t hurt ya?” I ask, sitting back up straight holding onto my knees nervously. “I’m sure, Daryl. It was nothing, I’m just sore.” He says placing his hand on mine. I flinch and look at his hand and then back up to his face. His quirky smile making his eyes shine. “What the hell are ya doin’ Paul?” I frown at him. “Holding your hand.” He says calmly not breaking his smile. “Why? Are ya in pain? Do ya want me ta get some pain killers? Siddiq? Water? Food? Do ya want ta lay down?” I ask quickly scanning his face for signs of pain. He’s only ever held my hand when he was in pain, so he must be in pain... but he’s not showing any signs of it. “I’m fine Daryl. I’m not in pain. I’m just happy!” He says shrugging his shoulders still not letting go of my hand. “Then why are ya holding onto my hand?” I ask frowning at him confused. He must be in pain and not want to worry me or tell me for some reason. “Because I want to hold your hand.” He says tilting his head and looking at me with a look that said ‘do I need a reason?’ I huff confused. He chuckles and his long hair falls into his face. He pulls it back and places it behind his ear. “Ya missed some.” I say pointing lazily to his face. He goes and puts it behind his ear but it falls into his face again. “Hold still.” I mutter and lean forward and take his hair gently in my hand and wrap it behind his ear. I look back at Paul, his ocean green eyes just stare at me. I can feel his warm soft breathe hitting my face. He places his hand on my cheek and I watch him lean forwards even closer to me, then he closes his eyes. I back up quickly and jump off the bed standing up. “What the fuck was that?!” I growl down at him, “Did you just try to fuckin’ kiss me?!” I throw my arm pointing at him angrily. “Daryl, I...” “You think I’m a fuckin’ joke? Huh!?” I yell at him. “Daryl, I thought we were having a moment...” he says grabbing his face in his hands exasperated. “What the hell would make ya think that?” I growl as I start pacing back and forth, glaring at him. “Well lets see! You held my hand the other night when I was in pain. You’ve barely left my side this entire time I’ve been hurt. You cried in front of me, you let me hold you. You let down a barrier with me. You let me wash your face. You let me hold your hand again, for no reason this time! You reached forward and placed my hair behind my ear. Which landed you extremely close to my face. You didn’t pull away you just stared at me. So what was I supposed to do!? Not try and kiss you?” I just stop dead in my tracks and look at him through my hair. He’s just watching me pace. “Why would ya attempt that... after the other night?” I ask sighing. “Because I know that wasn’t you talking, it was the alcohol. I’d probably risk it either way though. That’s how stupid I am.” He laughs and buries his face in his hands. “Yer not stupid.” I growl and walk towards him and sit down beside him. “Yes I am, I’m stupid for letting myself fall for you. For even thinking I had a chance. You’re clearly straight...” Paul mumbles into his hands. “Yer not stupid. I’ve never even been in a relationship. The closest thing I had to a relationship was when Merle would come home drunk with two women and we’d fuck, then the women would leave. High school was just one night stands. I just did whatever Merle told me to do. Except for drugs I refused to go near that shit... so ya definitely ain’t stupid.” I say. “But you aren’t like that anymore and your brother isn’t around anymore. Hell I’ve never seen you get close to anyone besides Rick and he’s like your brother.” Paul says. “I don’t let myself get close to people. I’ve lost too many already.” I mumble. “Well you’ve let yourself get close to me and I’m not lost.” he says as he lifts his head up and looks at me. “Yer different. Yer so... forgiving... joyful. I feel like I can be myself around ya.” I say looking away from his eyes and shifting my gaze to the floor. “Are you getting soft on me Dixon?” Paul chuckles. I feel my face burn up. “Cat got your tongue?” I here Paul laugh softly. “Fuck off.” I huff, looking the complete other way hiding my face with my hair. “Can I hold your hand, or will you run away again?” I hear Paul ask. I feel my face burn up more. Why, why am I embarrassed? God I hate this so much... “I’ll take that as a yes?” I feel Paul slide his hand over mine and interlace his fingers with mine. My face feels so hot. I just stare at the wall, I know he can see me. But it’s nice pretending he can’t see how flustered I am. I clench my jaw and try to calm down. He’s holding my hand. He’s done it before... but he’s never tried to kiss me before. “So ya like me? Why the fuck? Aaron likes ya... a lot. Why not him?” I ask nervously biting my lip. “You confuse the hell out of me Daryl.” I hear Paul sigh. “Huh?” “Well one minute you’re yelling at me and the next you’re sitting here holding my hand staring at the wall blushing like a damn fool!” Paul says chuckling. “Ain’t used ta this shit...” I huff quietly. “Used to what shit?” He asks. “Hand holdin’ and shit.” I say glancing at him through my hair. “Right, this is all new for you. So I still don’t know if your okay with this? I don’t even know if you are remotely interested in me!” I see him laugh and shake his head. “Never thought ‘bout it.” I mumble. “Well all we have left is time, love and trust... Take your time Daryl. I’m not going anywhere.” I feel him squeeze my hand. I look at him through my greasy hair. “Never done this shit before...” I mumble. “So you admit you do feel something for me?” I hear Paul’s voice go up in pitch, he sounds so hopeful. “I dunno what this feeling is...” I say looking at him clenching my jaw nervously. His entire face lights up. His eyes look like shimmering aquamarine. He looks so happy. “Feelings are complicated” He says laughing. Suddenly I feel his arms around me. My reflexes immediately make me flinch away. “I uh.... sorry.” I hear him say sadly. “S’fine.” I say quickly looking away. I hear the door to the infirmary open and Siddiq walks in. He goes to the back and grabs a pair of scissors and gauze and walks over to us. “Time to get those stitches out!” Siddiq smiles. I watch as he cuts the stitches and pulls them out carefully. “So is everything okay now?” Siddiq says looking up at Paul. “It’s all good.” He says smiling at me. Siddiq looks to me and I nod. “Good I don’t want you stressing out my patient.” He says smiling and nodding to me. Once he’s done pulling the stitches out, he unwraps the gauze around Paul’s head and replaces it with new. “How much longer will it be wrapped?” I ask Siddiq. “Probably a few more days. But we’ll see, he’s healing quicker then most.” Siddiq says. “When will I be able to leave the infirmary?” Paul asks. “Today, if you want. But you can’t be alone for awhile, someone would have to stay with you,” Siddiq responds “and you’d have to come back to get your head checked everyday.” “Aaron could stay with him.” I say. “Aaron has a house Daryl. Where have you been sleeping when you haven’t been sleeping in the infirmary?” Paul looks at me raising an eyebrow. “Barn...” I grumble. “You’ve been sleeping in the barn? Why am I not surprised... I have an extra room in my trailer, you can take it.” He says rolling his eyes at me. I nod and get up. “Where are you going?” Paul asks. “Thought we were moving?” I look back at him. “I guess we’re leaving right now.” Paul chuckles “Thank you Siddiq.” He says as he hugs him. “I had Enid wash your clothes and put them in your house. Your weapons are also there.” Siddiq nods to us both as we head for the door. I open the door and go down the steps. I look back at Paul who’s looking at the steps like they are some sort of ghost. “You okay?” I nod up at him. “Just light-headed. I still don’t have my balance back.” He says. I sigh, he ain’t making it down these stares without my help. I go back up the steps and place his arm around my shoulder. He takes the first step slowly. “That wasn’t so bad!” He laughs as he takes the next step quicker. I see him lose his balance and I grab hold of his other arm swinging him back towards me and not off the steps. “Dumb ass.” I grumble and roll my eyes as he lands against my chest holding onto my vest for balance. I look down at him, he’s looking up at me smirking. “Thanks.” “Come on let’s get you to your trailer... uninjured.” I hear him chuckle as we go down the steps slowly. We hit the grass and I slide his arm off from around my shoulder. I turn around and go to the side of the steps where I had left my crossbow leaning against the outside wall of the infirmary. I grab it and swing it over my shoulder. “Let’s go.” I say. “It’s the closest trailer to Barrington.” Paul says pointing to the farthest trailer. We start walking up the slowly rising slope towards his trailer. We jus walked in silence looking at the bustle. “DARYL!” I swing around and see Rick running towards me. I run at him and wrap my arms around him tightly. “I.... I thought I had lost you too, brother.” I say not letting go of him. “I’m fine Daryl. We have a lot to catch up on.” He says pulling away from our hug. “We can talk at Paul’s, I need to get him settled back home.” I say and nod towards Paul’s trailer. Rick nods and follows Paul and I. I help him slowly up the steps and kick the door open. I guide him to the couch beside the door and he sits down heavily. “I haven’t done that much walking in days.” He says panting. “You good?” I ask looking at him concerned. “Just light-headed and out of breath.” He smiles at me. Rick walks over to him and they shake hands and nod. “What happened to you?” Rick asks Paul as he leans against the counter. I go over and lean against the arm of the couch, waiting for Paul to answer. “Well Daryl beat the shit out of me, almost killed me, then saved me. Then he disappeared for three days so when I woke up he was gone. I went out to look for him, I got lost. He found me, we argued and he apparently wasn’t planning on coming back. We were attacked by a herd. I got attacked and smashed my head on a rock. Daryl saved both our asses and carried me back and saved me again.” Paul rants. Rick looks at me his eyebrows raised. “And what happened to you?” He says nodding at me. “Got drunk, tried to fight Aaron and got my ass handed to me.” I grumble. “As soon as I leave, everyone starts fighting. Why were you all fighting in the first place?” Rick says sighing and rubbing his face. “Ma fault... I wasn’t in control of maself.” “It wasn’t your fault. Everyone’s safety was dumped on you. No one ever asked if you were okay. No one can handle that much by themselves.” Paul looks at me smiling. “He’s right Daryl. I put everyone’s safety in your hands while I stayed behind. I’m sorry brother.” Rick says tilting his head trying to see my face through my hair. “Ya had to stay behind it ain’t yer fault.” I say flatly. “Now what did you want to talk about?” Paul looks back to Rick. “After you all left, after Carl......... I saw Negan, he was looking for me. I snuck up on him, we fought I won. Michonne and I tied him up and brought him back to Alexandria. We have him locked up in the cell. The other Saviours... some of them surrendered and went back to the Sanctuary. We took some in and some decided to band out on there own. The others we killed. Oceanside ended up turning up and helping us. It’s over. The Saviours are no longer a threat.” Negans locked up... not dead... after everything he’s done to us. Why didn’t Rick kill him? “He’s not dead?” I say glaring at Rick. “No he’s not. Keeping him locked up is more punishment. Seeing us live happily is more punishment then him being dead.” I have to kill him. That’s it once that’s done, the Saviours will no longer have a leader. They won’t have hope. As long as Negans alive they’ll have hope. I stand up adjusting my crossbow over my back and walk out of the trailer. I hear Rick call after me, then his footsteps as I keep walking. As soon as Negans dead I can come back to Hilltop. “DARYL!” I hear Rick yell and grab my shoulder. I stop and turn around. “You’re not going to kill him, brother.” Rick says frowning at me. “Yes I am.” I say turning back around and walking away. “I won’t let you.” I hear a gun click behind me. I sigh and turn to face Rick. “Really man? Ya ain’t gonna shoot me.” I say pointing my hand at him. “I will if it means keeping my people safe.” “How the hell is keeping him alive keeping our people safe?” I spit out at him. “If he dies, it could start something new with the Saviours. There are too many of them!” He says waving his gun back towards the trailer, then back to me. “Nuhuh not happenin’ Im killing that asshole and ending this.” I say pointing angrily. “Don’t make me Daryl.” Rick says clenching his jaw. I walk up to his gun and press the barrel to my forehead. “Go on then, stop me.” I growl at him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus POV <3

I sit there on my couch waiting for Rick to come back with Daryl. They are taking forever, I knew I should have followed Rick, but he told me to stay. Knowing Daryl he’s going to kill Negan and he’ll stop at nothing to do so. I sigh and lean my head back on the couch. I stare at the ceiling, waiting... “BANG” That was a gunshot?! I jump up almost falling over. Shit shit shit. I look around for something to help me walk. I grab my rifle and use it as a cane. I swing the door open and carefully go down the stairs. I start walking as fast as I dare towards where the gunshot rang. I turn the corner of the next trailer and see Rick holstering his gun as he stands over Daryl. I run up to them and collapse beside Daryl. “WHAT THE FUCK RICK!?” I yell at him. “He was going to kill Negan. I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t let him endanger our people.” Rick says calmly. “WITHOUT HIM THE PEOPLE WILL BE EVEN WORSE OFF!” I yell. By now we have a crowd gathered around us. I rip the sleeve of my shirt off and tie it tightly just above the bullet wound on his ankle. He doesn’t make a sound, just sits there grabbing his leg in pain. He doesn’t stop glaring at Rick though. When he finally speaks all he says is “I knew ya couldn’t bring yerself to kill me even if ya thought it was better for yer people.” I can’t believe this, Rick was threatening to kill Daryl? “I NOTIFIED SIDDIQ!” Someone yells from the crowd. I nod and wrap one of Daryls arms around my shoulder. “Someone get his other side!” “No!” Daryl growls. “Daryl! You are SHOT!” “And YOU can barely walk!” He yells. I sigh and hang my head. I nod at Earl and Alden and they come forwards and take Daryl for me. I follow them slowly as they help Daryl limp over to the infirmary. I hear him growl ‘I’m fine’ multiple times as he tries to push them away. I sigh and head up the steps of the infirmary and enter. “Daryl I need you to lay down, I need to pull the bullet out.” I hear Siddiq arguing with Daryl. “Just pull the damn thing out now.” Daryl says sitting on the bed. Siddiq sighs rubbing his forehead “You’ll lose too much blood if I do that.” I walk over to Daryls side and frown at him. “Daryl do as he says. I’m not having you die on me because of a damn bullet wound to your ankle!” I yell. I see Daryl grit his teeth and lay down on his back. “Can you two hold him down.” Siddiq points to Alden and Earl. “No.” Daryl barks. “Daryl we have to make sure you don’t move.” Siddiq sighs. I see Earl and Alden start to hold Daryl. “If you don’t fucking let go I’ll hang you up on the gates and use you for target practice.” Daryl growls menacingly. They immediately let go of him, knowing he wasn’t joking. I go and sit down next to Daryl on the metal chair. I can’t stand anymore, I’m too lightheaded. Siddiq sighs and rubs his eyes and then grabs a pair of gloves. He grabs a pair of long tweezers and slides them slowly into Daryls leg. I see Daryl gulp and clench his jaw as the tweezers stop and search for the bullet. He just stares at his leg, not saying a word, not making a sound. “Got it.” Siddiq says as he slowly pulls out the bullet and sets it on the table. Siddiq pulls off his glove and starts stitching up the wound and then wraps it. “You done?” Daryl asks Siddiq. “Yes, do you want some pain killers?” Siddiq asks as Daryl stands up and starts limping towards the door. “God dammit...” I sigh and get up to go after him. “Daryl! Whatever...” I hear Siddiq start to yell after him. He shouldn’t be doing what I think he’s going to do this soon after getting stitches in his leg... never mind just being shot... I walk after him and see him heading straight for Maggie and Rick. “DARYL!” I yell as he gets in arms length of Rick. I see Rick swing around just in time too see Daryls fist hit him in the nose. I see Rick stumble back a bit and Daryl punches him in the gut. Rick coughs and glares at Daryl as he charges at him yelling.   
They both hit the ground as Rick has Daryl pinned down punching his face repeatedly. Daryl finally gets a hold on Ricks neck and pushes his thumbs into his esophagus making Rick cough. Daryl takes the small opening and kicks Ricks leg out from under him and flips him over. Daryl punches Rick in the face with one hand and wraps his other hand around Ricks throat. Fuck... I see Maggie run forwards as she tries to separate them. Dammit she’s going to get hurt getting in between those two. “DARYL!” I yell as I walk up to the two dogs fighting. “Daryl stop” He’s not listening dammit. I walk up to Daryls side and kick him hard in the stomach. I hear him cough and Rick rolls out from under him. He stands up quickly as Daryl stumbles to his feet. “Stay out of it Paul.” He growls at me as he wraps one arm around his stomach. I watch as Michonne runs up and grabs Ricks shoulder. “Rick, you don’t have to do this.” She says standing in front him. “Yes I do. He’s going to kill Negan.” Rick says looking past Michonne at Daryl. I watch as Michonne pulls her katana and puts herself between them. “If you want to fight. Then you’ll have to go through me. I’m not having two of my best men act like fools and hurt each other when we need them most!” She says annoyed looking at Rick then Daryl then back to Rick. I see Rick sigh and rub his face as he turns around and walks off towards the barn. I walk over to Daryl as he just stands and stares after Rick. “Daryl?” “What?” He says not looking away from Rick. “Can you help me back to the trailer?” I ask as I lean on the rifle. I feel like I’m going to blackout. “Why?” He asks coldly still not looking at me. “Because I think I might black out.” I say flatly. He doesn’t make a sound just turns around and slips my arm over his shoulder. We walk up to my trailer and Daryl kicks open the door and practically throws me on the couch. He immediately turns around and goes to leave. “Daryl?” I ask before he gets out the door. He grumbles under his breath and stops. “Stay here.” “Nah” “Daryl! Please.” I say in a more urgent tone. I see him sigh and hang his head as he turns around and pushes the door closed. He walks over to me “Why?” I feel his glare pierce my heart. “Because I want you too. Now go get the damn med kit from the bathroom.” I say pointing to the door at the end of the trailer. I see him huff as he turns and limps off to get the med kit. I let out a big breath and stare around at my wall to wall shelves of random Knick-knacks, items and records. I feel a wave of calm wash over me as I remember all the stories behind all these items. I look back to Daryl as he limps back towards me with the med kit in hand. I take it from him and open it up on the arm of the couch. I grab a needle and thread and some wipes. “Sit down.” I say motioning to the couch beside me. “Nah.” He grumbles, as he stands there awkwardly hovering. “Daryl I need to stitch those cuts up. Now sit down.” He shifts and looks towards the door and then grumbles and sits down heavily beside me. I open the marsh green curtains to get more light as I thread the needle. I watch as Daryl sets down his cross bow beside the couch and slouches. “Sit up properly I need to see what I’m doing.” I say, grabbing one of the wipes and setting the needle down on the arm of the couch. He sits up hesitantly and I move closer to him. His hair is glued to his sweat soaked faced. I move his dark brown hair gently out of his face. He looks into my eyes then quickly averts his gaze and looks at the couch cushion. I sigh and start washing out the cuts with the wipes. Once I’ve got all the dirt and blood off, I throw the wipes across the room into the garbage and pick the needle and thread back up. I carefully start stitching up the two cuts that need it. He still hasn’t looked at me or even glanced at me. “There all done.” I say putting everything away and setting the med kit on the pile of books beside the couch. When I look back to him he still hasn’t moved. I sigh and put my hand on his but he quickly flinches and rips his hand away. “Daryl what’s wrong?” I say moving my hand back to my knees. He doesn’t say anything just looks even farther away. “Daryl, come on... tell me.” I say softly. “Nothin’.” He says in a low voice as he stands up. “Where are you going now?” “Away” he responds simply as he grabs his crossbow and walks over to the door. “SO YOURE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ALONE...... AGAIN!?” He can’t leave again. He can’t, he’s the only thing I care about now. I feel my eyes start to prickle with water. I watch as Daryl let’s go of the door handle and walks over to me. “WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID THAT IM GOING TO LEAVE. WHY DO YOU CARE!?” He yells pointing at me aggressively. “BECAUSE I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU DARYL! WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT? WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL?” I yell back as I stand up glaring at him tears silently sliding down my cheeks. “YOU THINK I DONT CARE!? ALL I FUCKIN DO IS THINK ABOUT YOU AND I THINK YOUD BE BETTER OFF IF I FUCKIN LEFT.” He says clenching his jaw. He’s yelling but his voice is cracking. “Daryl.... I wouldn’t be better off and you wouldn’t be either...” I say looking up at him. “Daryl please... don’t take off again... because you know I’ll go after you again.” I say quietly. “Why are you makin’ this so damn hard...” he says rubbing his face with his hand as he starts pacing the trailer. “You know why.” I say going to stand in front of the door. “Seriously?” He says looking at me. I put my hands on my hips and lean back on the door for balance. “Yes, seriously.” I say frowning at him. “Fine...” he growls under his breath. “Fine? You’ll stay?” I ask. He nods slightly looking at the ground as he slides his crossbow off his shoulder and onto the floor beside the couch. I walk around the counter and open my cupboards and grab a bag of chips. I head back to the couch and plop down and pat the seat beside me. Daryl looks up and frowns at me, but then hesitantly comes over and sits down beside me. I set the bag of chips between us and I lean over the side of the couch to my record player. “What kind of music do you like?” I ask. He shrugs his shoulders and I grab the first record in the pile; Lewis Capaldi. One of my favourite artists... but his songs are all slow love songs... I glance at Daryl. Fuck it I say and put the record on. It starts playing and I lean back on the couch. The first song isn’t obvious that it’s a love song so it’s fine. The next one starts playing and I tense. I grab a few chips and start eating. “Are you going to have some?” I ask Daryl, he doesn’t say anything just slides his hand into the chip bag and starts eating. The song gets to the sappy part and I see Daryl frown. Shit.. shit.. shit what if he thinks that I’m aiming the music at him, which I am but I don’t want him to know that. “This the music ya like?” He says nodding towards the record. “Uh yeah, it’s Lewis Capaldi. He’s one of my favourite artists.” I respond. He didn’t say anything!? “You a big music person?” He asks. “Umm yeah, I’ve always loved music ever since I was kid.” I say. He’s asking about me!? Oh my god stay calm, Daryls not a talkative person and he’s asking about you! I see him nod his head and keep eating. “Daryl?” “Hm?” He looks at me tilting his head a bit. I slide my hand slowly over to him and rest my hand on top of his. I feel him flinch but he doesn’t move his hand. He just looks at me and then to our hands. “Are you okay with this?” I ask sincerely. He shrugs his shoulders and grumbles. I take my hand away from his and place it back on my knee. “Sorry...” I say. He’s clearly not comfortable with anything like that. I’ll uhh... I’ll change the music.” I say reaching over to the record. “Leave it.” I hear Daryl say quietly. I look back at him, he’s hiding his face in his hair, again. I reach over to the bag and go to grab a chip when I feel a rough hand grab my wrist. I look over to Daryl, he still has his head down with his hair covering his face. I feel him slide his hand down my wrist and interlace his fingers with mine. I feel my eyes fall out of my head as I smile at Daryl, who is still hiding. I relax and melt into the cushions of the couch. Daryl is still extremely tense. “Relax” I say softly, squeezing his hand lightly. He leans back still hiding his face in his hair. His muscles are still tense. “Relax... it’s just me.” I say looking at him smiling softly. I see him glance at me through his hair and look away quickly. “What’s wrong?” I ask leaning forward and looking around his hair at his face. He looks... scared... “S’nothin’” He mumbles. “You are going to hate what I’m about to ask but, why are you scared?” I ask concerned. I didn’t know it was possible but he tensed even more and looked away from me. I sigh and lean over and turn his head back to face me with one hand. “Answer me Daryl.” I say frowning. “S’just I ain’t used to physical contact... that ain’t... ya know...” He says looking up at me and then averting his eyes back down. “I’m not going to hurt you. You know that right?” I say my heart sinking. The reason he’s scared is because the only physical contact he’s ever had is abuse... my heart stops just thinking about it. “Daryl... you know that right?” I say choking on my words. My throat feels tight... does he really think I’d hurt him? He still hasn’t let go of my hand, he’s just staring at our hands. I see his whole body quiver. “Daryl... I” I don’t know what to say... he’s really scared. I can’t help it tears start rolling down my cheeks. Before I can stop myself I have my arms wrapped tightly around Daryl. He doesn’t flinch he just sits there and silently cries as he shakes. He doesn’t try and get away from me, so I move his head to rest on my shoulder, I push my boots off and I sit up cross legged and just hug him. I just keep my arms around him not letting go. “I know.” I hear him choke out. “What?” I ask confused. “I know... you wouldn’t... hurt me...” he chokes out. More tears flow down my cheeks as I wrap my arms even tighter around Daryl. I feel him hesitantly move his hands and wrap his arms around my back. He seems so hesitant, like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed. “It’s okay.” I whisper softly. I feel him hesitantly place his arms around me and rest them there. I sigh jaggedly as more tears roll down my face. I rest my head on Daryls shoulder and he buries his face in the crook of my neck.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl POV <3
> 
> (Daryl’s POV is definitely my favourite to write)

I just hide my face in the crook of Paul’s neck. I can’t think about it... I can’t think about Negan... Merle... my father... Paul’s not like that. He wouldn’t hurt me. But why am I still scared then? I must look so weak right now. I am so weak right now. “I’m here” I hear Paul’s voice ring through the silence. I just wrap my arms around him tighter, not letting go. I feel him pull me in closer, if that’s possible. I focus on Paul’s jagged breathing and his arms tightly holding me. I start to relax, this feels different... comforting.. I feel protected. I feel my tears dry, but I don’t want to move. I like Paul holding me, I feel safe. Why do I like this? Why do I trust Paul... I never even considered being gay... I thought I liked women but... Paul he’s so... caring, I never thought I’d like a man... hell my brother would kill Paul if he was still here. 

I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here holding each other but it’s dark out now. “Daryl... we need to eat...” I hear Paul whisper softly. I nod slightly and I feel Paul pull away. I let go of him and he stands up, almost falling over. I jump up and steady him, almost falling myself. “Fuckin’ ankle.” I swear under my breath. “Are you okay?” Paul puts his hand on my arm. I nod “You?” “I’m fine, just still off balance.” He says, I can tell from his voice he’s smiling. “I can’t see shit.” I mutter as I fumble around in the dark for my crossbow. Suddenly a light switches on. “Thanks.” I say nodding at Paul. “We don’t have to go get supper out there. We can stay and I can make some.” Paul’s says rubbing his eyes. I pick up my crossbow and swing it over my shoulder. “Should probably make sure they dun’ think we’re dead.” I say going around Paul and opening the door. He nods, “Or something else...” he says winking at me and walking out the door ahead of me. What... the... fuck... I feel my face go red and I look at the ground and walk out behind him hiding my face with my hair. I fuckin’ hug this guy once and he’s crackin’ jokes? I look up through my hair, they have a big bonfire started in the middle of Hilltop. Log benches, chairs and blankets are set up all around the fire. “I wonder what we’re having.” Paul says in his cheerful voice. He must be feeling better because he’s walking just fine on his own. I just walk behind Paul in the shadows. “What do you want Daryl?” Paul turns and asks me as we reach the table set with food. I look up and look along the long table. Potatoes, carrots, beets, cucumbers, corn, onions, breads, meats and stews, were splayed across the table. “Bread, onions ‘n’ beets...” I look at the meat it’s all dressed up and fancy lookin’, I ain’t eatin’ that shit. “That’s it? What do you want on your bread?” Paul asks me as he places a beet, an onion and two slices of bread on my plate. “Nothin’. Thanks.” I mutter and take the plate from him. I walk off and head for the forge... it’s warm there and no ones there right now. But as soon as I start in that direction I feel someone grab my arm. “Where are you going?” Paul asks. “Forge.” I grumble and shake his hand off lightly and keep walking. I feel him grab my arm tighter this time. “No, you’re enjoying this fire. We don’t have them often, it must be clear today.” I feel him tug on my arm. I huff and turn around. Paul has already started walking towards the fire. I look back to the forge and then back to Paul who has stopped and is glaring at me with one hand sassily placed on his hip. This prick isn’t going to give up. I sigh and start limping after him. “Where do you want to sit?” I hear him say when I catch up to him. “Don’t care.” I grumble. I’m still keeping my head down, after everything I’ve done these past days, I’m not on good terms with the people. I just trail after Paul waiting for him to pick a seat. It’s so crowded... “Here.” I hear Paul say as he plops down on the ground. I nod and sit down. He knows I like sitting on the ground over sitting in chairs and benches. It’s more real being on the ground... feeling the grass between your fingers... it’s the one thing that hasn’t changed... the serenity of the forest... of nature. It’s like this was how it was always supposed to be... I stretch my shot leg out and lean on my other knee. I grab the onion and start eating it like an apple. “I’m surprised, you didn’t take any meat.” Paul says as he bites into a carrot. “Shit was too fancy.” I mutter through the onion. “First off swallow your food then talk... second off you’d rather snake over steak with basil on it?” Paul says chuckling. “Yep” I huff. “You are definitely strange Mr. Dixon.” Paul laughs. I tense when I hear him say Mr. Dixon in a playful tone... I think back to Beth... how she used to call me that... I bite the inside of my cheek and stare into the fire. “Are you okay?” I feel Paul put his hand on my shoulder and my reflexes make me flinch away. “Uh... yeah... yeah. Just that Beth used ta call me that...” I mutter. “Was Beth your sister?” Paul asks. “Nah, a close friend... that I couldn’t save...” I gulp holding back the tears. I remember her singing that night at the funeral home. It was so peaceful that day and the next it was all gone... “Daryl... it’s not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything.” I see Paul reach for my hand and I move my hand away quickly. I hear Paul sigh and then he goes back to eating. I finish off the onion and start eating the bread. “Daryl?” I hear my name and look up through my hair. I see Carol standing there with tears in her eyes. I jump up and throw my arms around her. “No one told me you were back...” she says hugging me tightly. “How are ya holdin’ up?” I ask and let go of her, sit back down next to Paul and pat the ground next to me. She sits down next to me, “Good, Ezekiel and I are together now.” She says almost in a sad tone. “Does he treat you well?” I growl. “Yes Daryl. You don’t need to worry. I’m happy... I was just worried about you.” She says smiling softly. “I’m fine... ya don’t need ta worry ‘bout me...” I mutter. “Oh Really? What happened to your ankle and your face?” She says raising a eyebrow. “Rick” I say under my breath. “Rick.... what did he do?” “Shot me in ma ankle, so I beat the shit outta’ him.” I growl. “You two are ridiculous...” Carol sighs rolling her eyes. “They were crying into each others shoulders a few minutes before they tried to kill each other.” Paul pipes up rolling his eyes with her and smirking, I see Carol smirk back at him. “What are you too smirkin’ at?” I growl. “Nothing!” I hear them say in unison. “For fucks sake what is it?” I say growling. “Oh Just the fact that your holding Jesus’s hand like a lifeline.” Carol chuckles. I rip my hand away from Paul’s immediately. When did I start holding his hand? I feel my face go red and I hang my head, hiding my face with my hair. I tuck my hands into my pockets, my face feels like it’s on fire. “Daryl it’s fine!” I feel Paul’s hand on my shoulder. “Fuck off” I grumble. I hear Carol sigh. “You’ve always been so sensitive... I’m happy for you. You finally found someone.” “We ain’t together.” I growl. “Oh so just a friends with benefits kind of thing...? That doesn’t sound like you...” Carol says. “I AIN’T FUCKIN’ GAY!” I yell. I stand up quickly, grab my beet and walk towards the gates. This can’t be fuckin’ happenin’... Carol just saw me holding Paul’s hand... I held Paul’s hand... with other people around. Fuck... I need to get out of here. I head towards the escape tunnel. I inch along in the shadow of the trailers and slide along the wall. I open up the hatch and lower myself down carefully. I hit the ground underneath Hilltop. I sigh and start walking along the dark tunnel, letting the dirt walls guide me to the other end. I feel a ladder in front of me and pull myself up it carefully. I push the piece of wood out of the way and crawl out. I place the piece of wood back over the hole and cover it with leaves. I look back and see the glow of the bonfire above the walls. Walkers should already be on their way here... I’ll start looking and kill the ones I see. I start trudging through the woods and see two walkers stumbling towards Hilltop. I line up my shot and take them down with one arrow. I walk over and collect my arrow and keep going. I hear growling and turn to my left. Three walkers heading towards me. I raise my crossbow and shoot one. I go behind a tree and wait for the next one to come around the tree and I stab it in the head. The next one trips over the seconds body and I lean down and stab it in the head. I keep walking towards Alexandria... a lot of walkers should be coming from there. More moaning, I turn around quickly, hurting my injured ankle. “Fuck.” I groan in pain as I collapse to the ground. I see two walkers stumbling towards me. I can handle tha- I hear more groaning from behind me... four more walkers.... “Fuck...” I grab my crossbow and shoot the two in front of me. I try to stand up and I feel a sharp pain go through my leg... fuck I must of ripped the stitches out. I push myself backwards. Two more arrows left. I raise my crossbow and shoot two more. Fuck I need to get to my other arrows. I start dragging myself towards the two walkers I had shot before... shit the arrows went right through. I look back as one of the walkers trips and grabs onto my leg. I start kicking and I sit up and stab it in the head, just as the other one falls on top of me. I fall flat on my back, my legs pinned down by the dead walker. I drop my knife and grab at the walker’s neck pushing it back. I feel it grab a hold of my vest. “Motherfucker!” I growl as I try to get my legs out from underneath the dead walker. I lose my grip on the walkers neck as it’s rotting flesh rips away under my fingers. It drops closer to my face and I hold its forehead with my hand as it’s jaw repeatedly snaps inches away from my face. I search desperately in the leaves with my free hand. I hit something hard with my fingers. I try and grab it but it’s too far away, my fingers just barely brush against it. I feel myself losing my grip on its head so I stop searching for something and grab its head with my other hand as it’s flesh melts off into my hand. I feel it getting closer and closer to my face as it gains gravities side. Why did I come out here with a shot ankle? Right, cause I wasn’t fuckin’ thinkin’ straight and I wanted to get away from that shit show and go kill Negan... Now I’m going to die and pay for my stupidity... for all the pain that I’ve caused... and I’m never going to see Paul again... those ocean green eyes... his smile... how he’s always there for me and I’m never there for him and now... now I’ll never be able to be there for him... ever... because I didn’t listen to him... because I...I let my anger and fear get to me... I stare up at the blood slowly dripping out of the walkers snapping mouth and landing on my face. “This ain’t how this was supposed to go...” I tell the walker, as I wait for my arm to give out and it to drop onto me. I just stare into it’s clouded eyes as it stares blankly at me. I look back down to his snapping jaws, I can only see the walkers decaying face. It’s so close... all I can hear is it’s groans and it’s teeth snapping together... what was your life like? “How did you die...? Did... did you get to say goodbye... to... to the ones you loved?” I choke out, as I feel my eyes start to water... it’s empty gaze stares at me... “I’m sorry... this is how it ended for us...” I say, staring into its eyes as I feel my arm give out and the walker drop onto me... I wait for it to tear into my flesh... for the slow death I deserve... but it doesn’t come... the walkers gone limp... I push it off of me and scramble to sit up. I come to my senses and look around for who killed it. I don’t see anything... I look around and find my crossbow and my knife. I sling my crossbow over my shoulder and ready my knife. “Ey!” I yell. This motherfucker better come out of hiding. I see a sharp face peak out from behind a tree in front of me. A dog? “Come here boy.” I whistle quietly. The dog walks out from behind the tree and wags it’s tail slightly. “Come here.” I say patting the ground close to me. The dog hesitantly walks up to me and I put out out my hand. The dog sniffs my hand and I start scratching its neck. “Good dog.” I say petting his head. I check him over, he’s skinny... really skinny. His coat is patchy and he has scars that scatter over his ripped pelt. I run my hands down his back, sides and legs. I pull my hand back and see blood on my hand. “You hurt boy?” I ask looking at the dog. The dog whines at me and perks his ear up and his tail goes straight out. He whines again and grabs my sleeve and pulls. “Woah, you hear somethin’?” The dog pulls again. I look down at my ankle, it’s bled through the bandage... shit. The dog starts pacing and his ruff goes up as he growls into the darkness. I rip my pant leg and tie it tightly above my wound. I crawl over to a tree and use it as support to get up. I stand and try to put weight on my injured leg. I sharp pain shoots through my body. “Fuck” I gasp at the pain. I lean on my crossbow and limp unsteadily towards Hilltop. I turn around and see the dog still growling into the darkness. I whistle and the dogs head shoots around. “Come here boy” I call. The dog runs up to me and I start limping towards Hilltop again. My crossbow isn’t big enough to lean on... I look around and see a branch on the ground. I lift one end of it up with the crossbow and grab it with my other hand. Almost falling I get a good grip on the branch and lean on it. I swing my crossbow over my back and lean on the branch, it’s sturdy enough to support my weight. I hear the dog growling again, this time ahead of us. I pull my knife as I see a walker come out from the trees. The dog latches onto its leg, knocking it off balance as it stumbles and falls at my feet. The dog lets go of it’s leg and quickly chomps down on its soft rotten skull. “Good dog.” I say scratching behind its ear. I keep making my way slowly to Hilltop. The dog running off once in awhile and then coming back shortly after, as if he was making rounds patrolling the area around us. I feel a sharp pain run through me as I set my foot down accidentally. I stumble and feel the dog grab my sleeve and steady me. “Good boy...” I say out of breath. The dog licks my hand and runs off again. I finally reach the edge of the forest and see the walls of Hilltop. The glow of the bonfire still apparent. I start hobbling through the fields and up the long dirt road. The spike fences are covered in walkers... every single spike has a walker pierced on it... the clean up will take a lot of people. I sigh and keep going. I hear one of the guards shout as I get close to the gates. I see the dog stop and it’s ruff goes up. “S’ okay boy” I say patting his head. I get up to the gates and walk through them. I see the dog stop outside of the gates and whine at me. “Come on boy.” I call softly. The dog walks slowly, carefully placing his paws as if to not make noise. His ruff is up and his ears are turning every which way as he hangs his head low. His eyes are wide as looks around. I pet his head as he finally walks up and stops beside me. I start limping up towards the infirmary. I don’t see any light in the trailer. Fuck... Siddiq is probably at the bonfire... I turn around and limp towards the fire. I see Paul sitting on the ground where I left him... shit I don’t want to talk to him right now. I just need to find Siddiq and get stitched back up, then I can leave again. I hear the dog start to growl as we get closer to people. “Shh...” I stop where I am and pet the dogs neck. Suddenly the dog starts barking. Shit... I see a bunch of people look to the dog and I. Some jump back in fear and some pull their knives... others grab their children and hide them behind them. I see Paul jump up and walk quickly towards me. The dog growls and barks as Paul gets closer to me. The dog moves in front of me protectively. “No!” I yell at the dog. It looks back at me and then to Paul. It stops barking and growling and moves back to my side. The dog keeps its ruff up though, ready if anything happens. Paul finally walks up to me once the dog backs off. “Daryl what the fuck happened? Where the fuck did you go?” Paul says pushing my chest. I flinch and step back. The dog lunges forward and stands in front of me snarling at Paul. I see someone raise their gun. “NO!” I yell at the person. “Dog NO!” I yell at the dog more sternly. The dog flattens it’s ears and backs off. I sigh and look around for Siddiq. I see him in the crowd. I point at him and nod. He nods back and makes his way to me through the crowd. I start limping towards the infirmary and Siddiq walks beside me. The dog follows on my heels. We reach the infirmary and Siddiq opens the door. “The dog isn’t allowed in here.” Siddiq says. I look back at the dog, it seems to be trained well. “Stay” I say to the dog and it stands at the foot of the steps. I follow Siddiq into the infirmary and I sit down on the bed. “Blew your stitches?” Siddiq asks as he heads for the needle and thread. I nod, as I watch him grab more gauze as well. “Where’d you find the dog?” Siddiq asks as he starts to work on my wound. “He found me ‘n’ saved ma life...” I answer. “Rare to see a dog that doesn’t kill on sight.” Siddiq says. “Yer a doctor... do ya think ya can help the dog?” I ask. “I can try... it doesn’t seem too friendly though.” “He’ll know yer helping him.” I see Siddiq chuckle “I can try. What’s wrong with it?” Siddiq asks as he finishes up stitching my leg and he wraps it back up. He unties my ripped pant leg and stands back up. “He has a wound, it was too dark to see what it was... but I felt blood on his side.” I say worriedly. Siddiq sighs, “Fine I’ll let the dog in and take a look at it.” He says rubbing his face and heading for the door. He opens the door and I whistle. The dog comes bounding up the steps and runs to my side. “Good dog.” I say petting it’s head. Now that I can see him in the light he looks even worse. His hip bones, spine and ribs are jutting out and his coat is horrid. I watch as Siddiq leans down beside the dog and starts running his hands over the dog. “Here.” He says pointing to the dogs right side. I get up and limp over to Siddiq. A bite mark is embedded deep into the muscle. “Walker bite...” I sigh and go over to the dogs face. “Are we going to kill it?” I hear Siddiq ask. “The only thing we can’t let this dog do is bite someone. He only carries it, he’ll be fine if you take care of that bite.” I say in a pissed off tone. Siddiq nods and goes to get the gauze, needle and thread and water. “This is going to hurt him... you’ll have to hold him down.” Siddiq says. I nod and take my clean kerchief out of my back pocket. I tie it around the dogs muzzle and knock it’s legs gently out from beneath it. I move to the dogs side and hold his haunches and neck down. The dog looks at me with wide eyes. It’s panting and I can tell it’s terrified. “Hurry up!” I snap at Siddiq. He pours water into the wound and the dog yelps in pain. He washes the wound out well and then starts stitching it up. The dog squirms and yelps and I have to hold him down harder. I watch as the last stitch goes in and and Siddiq ties it off and clips it. I watch as he carefully wraps the gauze around the dogs torso. “Done.” He says looking up at me and nodding. I let go of the dog and it jumps up and runs behind me shaking. “Hey, it’s okay boy.” I say turning and scratching the dogs neck. I untie my kerchief from his muzzle and stuff it back in my pocket. “Thank you.” I say, nodding at Siddiq. He nods back and I head for the door, grabbing a bottle of pain killers on the way out. I swallow 3 and stuff the rest in my pocket. I limp down the steps unsteadily and look around. Then I realize I have no where to stay... Paul said I could stay with him, but I don’t want to see him right now. With the dog in this condition I’m not going to risk his life going back out there... Fuck it... I’ll just crash in the grass next to the infirmary. I go around the steps and plop down on the grass. The dog walks up to me and lays down beside me and puts his head in my lap. “You hungry boy?” I ask, scratching his ears. I reach into my pocket and pull out the crushed beet. “Only thing I got. I’ll find you something better tomorrow.” I say and hand the dog the beet. He gulps it down in two bites and flattens his ears back at me and wags his tail. He crawls until half of his body is resting in my lap. I pet his head and lean back against the steps. I close my eyes and drift off into a restless sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus POV! <3

“Carol, we have to go after him!” I say urgently. “He’s with Siddiq he’ll be fine.” Carol says. I frown at her and raise my eyebrows. “But Siddiq might not be fine with him.” I say. “Fine... lets go.” Carol rolls her eyes and sighs as she starts heading towards the infirmary. I start after her, walking slower. What was that freak out Daryl had? What on earth was he doing anyway and where the hell did the dog come from? I reach the infirmary and I hear a quiet groggy rough voice say “What is it boy...?” I go around the steps instead of up them and see Daryl slouched against the wall with the dog sprawled across his lap. “Paul?” He asks quickly and pushes the dog off and stands up. “Awh fuck...” I hear him mutter under his breath as he stands up painfully. I see Carol open the door of the infirmary and walk down the steps. “I didn’t see you there in the shadows.” She says worriedly. “Are you okay?” She says going up to him and looking him up and down. He nods slightly. I see the dog on high alert standing at Daryls side. I sit down on the ground and click my tongue reaching my hand out for the dog to sniff. The dogs ears flick back and forth as it looks up at Daryl then to Carol and then me. It takes a step forward and sniffs my hand. Then it takes another step, it keeps going until it’s nose to nose with me. I’ve never met a dog like this. It starts sniffing my face with its dry cracked nose. I start petting the dog and then realize how skinny it was. Its coat was so patchy and it was covered in scars. I start running my hand down it’s back and realize it’s torso is wrapped in gauze. I go back up to the dogs head and scratch its neck. It starts licking my face and I laugh. “DOG NO!” I suddenly hear Daryl yell. I see the dog flinch away from me and return to its post beside Daryl. “What the hell was that for? I got him used to me!” I stand up angrily. “He carries it! I don’t want you fuckin’ turnin’!” Daryl shouts back. I see Carol sigh “I’ll leave you two be...” she says and walks off towards the bonfire. “Oh...” I respond quietly. “Were you just going to sleep out here?” I ask shifting uncomfortably. I don’t know how to act around him after what happened at the bonfire. “Yeah.” He huffs and sits back down. “I’m not going to let you. I have a perfectly good empty room in my trailer. I don’t want you sleeping out here when you’re hurt.” I say walking towards him and extending my hand out. “I’m staying with Dog.” He says glaring at me. “You can bring the dog.” I say sighing and I shake my hand insisting him to take it. I see him clench his jaw and then stand up and walk past me bumping into me. I sigh and walk after him and the dog. We get to my trailer and Daryl kicks open the door. “Do you ever not kick open doors?” I say annoyed. “Nah” he responds and walks into the trailer. The dog follows after him and I go in last, I shut the door gently behind me. Daryl immediately goes to my cupboards and starts looking through them roughly. “What the hell are you doing?” I say quirking an eyebrow and crossing my arms over my chest. “I need a drink.” He growls. “That’s not happening.” I say and go over to him and grab his leather angel wing vest from behind and yank him backwards. “What the fuck was that for?!” He growls at me as he regains his balance, leaning against the counter. “Last time YOU got DRUNK you did some bad shit.” I say with my hands on my hips. “Stop actin’ like a sassy gay prick.” Daryl growls and limps towards the couch. “Only once you stop acting like an overly sensitive aggressive gay prick.” I respond in a nonchalant tone, as I turn around and grab myself a bottle of wine and go sit down beside him. I take a big swig of the wine and look at Daryl. His face is red and he looks like he’s going to kill someone. “So what happened out there?” I ask calmly, trying not to laugh at his reaction. “Figured the fire would attract walkers so I started killing ‘em when I saw them. Ran into six of ‘em and ran outta’ arrows. I blew my stitches and couldn’t get up. I got pinned down by two, I killed one of ‘em and lost my knife... I was a dead man... it was inches from biting ma face.... the dog fuckin’ saved ma ass and killed the walker. The least I could do was save his life in return.” Daryl says scratching the dogs neck. The dog looks up at him panting happily. I sigh and rub my face. I take another big swig of wine. “So let me get this straight... you almost got yourself killed... AGAIN?!” I yell standing up. Is he ever going to actually act responsible!? Does he not understand that he isn’t immortal? Does he not understand that people care about him? That people need him? That I need him? “Paul...” I see Daryl sigh and hang his head. “What?” I spit out at him. I can’t deal with his shit anymore... “I realized somethin’... when I was out there.... when I was dyin’... all I could think about was... you... and I’ve... I’ve been actin’ outta fear... and guilt... and that almost... that almost cost me the price.. of never seein’ ya again...” Daryl chokes out as he stares at the ground, he’s slouched over with his hair covering his face. I... I don’t know what to say. He... he... just... what...? “Paul?... please say somethin’” I hear Daryl say quietly. I lean back against the counter, set the bottle of wine down and hold my face in my hands. When I finally find something to say all I can say is... “Don’t ever... risk that price again...” I choke out and wrap my arms around Daryl tightly. “I won’t...” I feel Daryl sigh as he wraps his arms cautiously around me and sets his head on my shoulder. I pull away from the hug after a few minutes and grab his hand. “We need sleep...” I say. I see Daryl nod and I stand up still holding onto his hand. “Come on” I say tugging at his hand. He stands up and I start walking towards the bedroom. Daryl limps carefully after me, still holding my hand. I open my bedroom door and let go of Daryls hand. I go to my dresser and open one of the drawers and grab grey sweatpants. I look back at Daryl, who hasn’t moved from the doorway. Why isn’t he going to his room? I take off my dirty bloodstained marsh green sweater and toss it onto the ground. I look back at Daryl who is now looking at the ground shifting uncomfortably. I figured he’d just go to his room... I mean he knows where the bathroom and my room are now and there’s only one other door... fuck it... I roll my eyes and undo my belt buckle and slide my skinny jeans off and slip my sweatpants on. I look back to the doorway where Daryl was standing, and see he’s not there. I walk out of my room and see Daryl leaning over the counter. “Why...?” He stutters out. I roll my eyes and cross my arms. “First off I wasn’t just going to sleep in bloodstained clothes. Second off no one told you to watch. Third off, why are you all flustered?” I say tilting my head sideways, looking at him. “I... uh” I can tell by his voice that he’s flustered. I sigh “Come on let’s get to bed.” I say turning around and walking to my bedroom. I turn the lights off and pull my covers back and crawl under them. I hear Daryls footsteps pacing back and forth in the trailer as I stare at the ceiling. I sigh “Go to bed!” I say, I hear his footsteps again and then nothing. I sit up and see Daryl standing in the doorway. He’s looking at the ground chewing his thumb. I can see his nervous stature outlined in the moonlight. “Do you not know where your bedroom is?” I ask in confusion. “Door ta the left.” He mumbles. “Okay then why aren’t you in bed?” I quiz him. I watch as he shrugs his shoulders and leans against the doorframe. “Do you want clothes?” I ask, he shakes his head slightly. “Do you want to sleep in here?” I ask softly. I watch him shift nervously and then nod his head. “Come on then.” I say scooting to the right side of the bed. I watch as he slowly walks over and sits on the bed. “Nuhuh nope! I may be a slob but, I am NOT letting you sleep in my bed in boots and bloody clothes!” I say pushing him off the bed. “I don’t got nothin’ else.” He grumbles. I get up and open my drawers and grab a white t-shirt and pale pink sweatpants. I toss them to him and crawl back into bed. “Change” I say and roll over as not to look at him. I hear him untie his boots and slide them off. I close my eyes and try to sleep. I feel Daryl lay back down on top of the covers. “You can get under the covers, if you want?” I say. It’s close to winter and I have no heat in this trailer. How is he not cold? “Nah...” I hear him mumble. I feel the mattress shift as he turns over. I sigh and try to sleep again. After a while I can feel Daryl shivering. “Get under the damn blankets...” I say exasperated. “M’fine” He mumbles. “You’re the one that asked to sleep in here, with me. So why do you think it’s so weird to get under the blankets?” I say rolling my eyes. “Cause yer under the blankets...” Daryl says. I crawl out from under the blankets and lay on top of them. “Now it’ll be too weird cause we’re both on top of the blankets.” “Get back under the damn blankets.” I hear Daryl mutter. “Only if you get under the blankets as well.” I challenge him. “Get under the blankets Paul...” Daryl sighs as his teeth start to chatter. My eyes adjust to the dim light and I look over to Daryl. The white t-shirt barely fits him and I can see each muscle pronounced under the soft white fabric. I shake my head and turn over facing the wall. It’s so uncomfortable... “So... uh why did you want to sleep in here with me?” I ask awkwardly. I wait for a response... nothing. “Daryl?” I ask. “What?” I hear him mumble. “Why did you want to sleep in here with me?” I repeat my question. “I gotta keep ya safe... only way ta do that is ta keep an eye on ya.” Daryl responds gruffly. “Okay then...” I say chuckling and closing my eyes. I can’t believe him, he is so protective of everyone he cares for. God.... I’ve fallen for him... hard... He’s straight. He is straight. The way he talked about that girl, Beth. I could tell he loved her. No, that doesn’t mean he can’t be bi. Ugh... why do I keep getting my hopes up? I sigh and crawl back under the covers. It’s too cold at night to not have blankets on. “Daryl I’m going to ask you one last time. Please get under the blankets, you’re going to catch a cold.” I wait for a response or a sound, nothing. I listen to his breathing, it’s fast and heavy. He must be asleep, I slip out from under the covers and walk silently to the other bedroom. I walk carefully through the dark and make my way to the bed. I grab ahold of the blankets and pull them into my arms. I bundle them up and balance them in my arms and walk back slowly to my room. I throw the blanket down and crawl onto the bed. I spread the blanket gently over Daryl. I spread the blanket I was underneath before flat and then crawl under the new blanket. I keep my distance, as far as I can from Daryl. I know he’s not comfortable sleeping in the same bed. I just lay there and stare at his back. Tracing his muscles with my eyes. His muscles jerk and he thrashes over in his sleep. He’s facing me now and I can see his face. He has a twisted painful expression on. His breath becomes jagged and he starts sweating. “no....no..no.....no....n-..no....no..........please..... please....... please......NO!” Daryl begs and then springs up breathing heavy. His eyes look wild and his head is moving frantically in the dark. “No...no..no...no...” I hear his voice choke. His muscles are tensed and he looks terrified. “Daryl?” I say cautiously. I see his head whip around and look at me wild eyed. “It’s okay, it’s me...” I say slowly moving across the bed towards him. I reach him and I put one hand on his knee. His eyes look down at me, terrified. “I’m not going to hurt you...” I whisper. I feel him shaking beneath my touch. I slowly wrap my arms around him and set my head on his shoulder. “You’re okay... I’m here...”  
I feel his shaking ease after awhile. “Are you okay?” I whisper softly. “Y... yeah...” I hear him stutter into my hair quietly. “You scared me” I say, moving my head to rest in the crook of his neck. “Sorry...” Daryl mumbles quietly. “I’m just glad you’re okay...” I say, hugging him tighter. “Why?” I hear him grumble. “You know why Daryl... don’t make this any harder for me...” I say sighing. “Make what harder?” He says pushing me off of him, as he looks at me through his tangled hair. Shit.... I didn’t mean to say that out loud... “I like you... you know that already...” I say biting my lip guiltily and looking up at him... waiting for him to become angry. I watch as he sighs and gets off the bed. Shit... “Daryl?” I say his name cautiously. “What? How do ya want me to respond to that Paul...?” He says, not turning around, he’s just staring at the ground. “I don’t know... I know you’re straight and you don’t like me like that...” I say the last part under my breath. “M’ scared... I dunno what this feeling is...” I watch him as he turns back around and faces me. “What feeling?” I ask frowning. “When I was out there... I could only think ‘bout ya... normally it’s ma family...” He says quickly stuttering out his words. “...when ya joke ‘round wit’me... it makes me feel... nah... nah this is stupid...” he grumbles and starts walking towards the door. “Daryl... emotions aren’t stupid... please stay, don’t go away again.” I watch him stop and he grumbles something I can’t hear. “Just never felt this before... I dunno what it is...” I stand up and walk over to him slowly. I stand beside him and take his hand mindfully. “How does that make you feel?” I ask him, looking up at his hidden face. “Nice... comforting...” He finally mumbles after awhile. I interlace my fingers with his. “This?” I ask squeezing his hand slightly. I feel him freeze up a bit, “Nice...” he mumbles and looks at the far wall. I move in front of him and wrap my arms around his shoulders circumspectly. “This?” “Why are ya doin’ this? Rick hugs me and he’s held my hand before.” Daryl says. “I know that.” I reply and set my head on his chest. “Then why?” he asks in a puzzling tone, tensing and not hugging back. “Because I want to know if you feel the same when I hug you.” I say looking up at him. I see him looking back at me. His eyes are clouded in confusion. “Do you?” I ask. He just looks down at me for a painstakingly longtime, not responding. After awhile I unwrap my arms from around his shoulders. “You can go... I’m sorry for controlling you, I know you need your space and you aren’t a talker or social... at all...” My sad tone rings throughout the silent trailer.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl POV <3

I stand there, staring into Paul’s sad eyes. I do feel different when he hugs me. Almost like how I felt when Beth hugged me, and that feeling scares me. I follow Paul with my eyes as he walks slowly back to his room. “It does...” I say whipping my head back around. I look at my bare feet on the wooden floor, I hear Paul’s steps come to a stop. “You do feel different?” I nod my head slightly. “In a good or a bad way?” I hear his soft voice say worriedly. I’m not sure.. I’m certain this feeling is supposed to make me feel safe and happy... but I’m too scared by this warm fuzzy feeling... the way my heart jumps whenever he touches me... it’s strange... how he always finds his way into my thoughts... how I get lost in those ocean green eyes... “I think so...” I mumble cautiously. “What does that mean?” Pauls confused voice reaches my ears. “I think this feeling is supposed to be good... but...” I can feel the cold of the earth tugging at my nerves, slowly making my feet go numb. It’s so cold, I can hear the icy wind howling outside. “Describe the feeling.” I hear his voice twist it’s way through the hurricane of sounds coming from outside. “I’m uh... I ain’t good at discribin’ shit...” I mutter. I’m freezing... my feet are starting to hurt. “Okay, we’ll do it this way. I’m going to ask you if you feel certain things that normally other people feel when they like someone, like, does your heart flutter?” He asks, I hear him step closer to me. I gulp down my fear and nod nervously. “Do you feel warm or fuzzy?” I hear him step closer to me again. I nod again. Do I really feel for Paul in that way...? I can’t be... gay... “I know you blush a lot, and get flustered easily. To me it sounds like you like me, but they are your feelings and emotions and I can’t feel your feelings, you’ll just have to figure them out. So Daryl...” Paul’s comforting voice gets closer to me and I tense. “...can we do something?” I feel my breathing quicken. He did not just ask that... he- I can’t... why would he ask that? I feel myself starting to panic. “I CAN’T- I’M SORRY- I CAN’T!” I feel my voice turn urgent as I back away from him quickly and try to get to the door. “Daryl! I wasn’t... I wasn’t going to ask for anything like that...” I feel Paul grab my wrist loosely. I look back at him through my tangled hair. “W...what?” I stutter. But... the way he said that. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to go back to bed...? I know you aren’t ready for anything remotely close to ....that... You don’t even know how you feel so...” his voice trails off quietly. Why do I freak out every time he says somethin’? He’s gay and he’s open ‘bout that. Which means he’s had a boyfriend or boyfriends before. He knows what he’s doin’... Why does that scare me? I nod my head almost an unnoticeable amount and start walking towards Paul’s bedroom. I hear his footsteps behind me. I walk over to the bed and crawl underneath the three layers of blankets, I wrap them tightly around me and burry my face in the pillow. It’s freezing in this damn trailer... “Are you warm enough?” I hear Paul ask. No... but I don’t want to admit that... “Mhm” I mumble and curl up into a ball, with my knees against my chest, trying to get warm. “Well, I’m not.” He says before even getting in the bed. I listen to his footsteps leave and then come back again. I feel a heavy blanket being spread over top of me and then I feel the mattress sink. “Good night,” He says quietly as I feel him get comfortable under the blankets, “and tell me if you get cold... don’t be a stubborn ass.” I can tell from his tone of voice that he’s rolling his eyes. I pull at the new blanket and wrap myself up in it. Damn, Paul wasn’t jokin’ when he said I was gonna catch a cold... I close my eyes and everything comes flooding back to me, like a horror movie projected on repeat inside my eye sockets. I try to focus on something else, anything else... I hear Dog’s breathing from the main room on the couch... Paul’s slow quiet breaths as he sleeps... the wind howling outside... 

I wake up to piercing light shining through my eyelids. I shield my eyes and sit up slowly. Where the hell am I? I look around and see Paul asleep on the other side of the bed. Fuck... right I slept in Paul’s bedroom last night. When did I fall asleep? What time is it? I reach over the side of the bed and grab my jeans. I dig through the pockets and find my watch. 6:48... shit I slept longer then usual. I throw the blankets off my legs and get out of bed. I walk to the kitchen and start rifling through the cupboards and drawers. Chips... more chips... chocolate... lollipops... coke. What the fuck? Is junk food all this guy eats?! I rub my eyes and grab a clean glass. I open the fridge and grab the glass pitcher and pour myself a glass of water. I put the pitcher back and close the fridge, only to reveal a very groggy Paul leaning against the bedroom door frame. “Morning” He grumbles and sulks towards the cupboards and grabs a glass. I move away from the fridge and he opens it and pours himself a glass of milk. He chugs it and then finally looks at me for the first time, after setting his glass down in the sink. “What do you want for breakfast?” He asks me, looking more awake. “Don’t care” I say shrugging my shoulders. I walk over to the couch and plop down beside Dog. He looks up at me with a big grin on his face. I scratch his neck and he nuzzles my side. “You feelin’ better boy?” I ask him. I hear Paul chuckle and I look up. I glare at him “What’s so funny?” I growl as Dog rests his head in my lap. “Ya find it funny that I talk ta ma dog? I’ve seen ya talkin’ ta the damn horses, so I suggest ya shut yer trap!” I snap at him. “No, I find it very cute that you talk to him. I’m laughing at the fact that I get to see Daryl Dixon in pink sweatpants.” He says chuckling as he cracks an egg over a frying pan. “WHAT!?” I growl and look down at my pants... for fucks sake... I’m wearing pale rosy pink sweatpants... what am I wearing as a shirt? A white t-shirt... that doesn’t FIT!? “Why would you give me this to wear?!” I growl at him. I watch as he tries to hide his chuckling “I couldn’t tell what colour they were, it was dark.” “And what about the fucking t-shirt? It’s about to rip...” I glare at him. “My clothes are bound to be tight on you. I’m a lot smaller then you are.” He says shrugging his shoulders. I huff and lean back on the couch, crossing my arms and watching as Paul cooks eggs. “How do you like your eggs?” “It’s a damn egg, taste the same any way ya cook it.” I huff. “Suit yourself! But if you don’t like scrambled eggs I suggest you say something now!” He says as he cracks more eggs over the pan. How am I only noticing now that he doesn’t have a shirt on? I watch as his back muscles move as he starts scrambling the eggs... what the fuck... nah... nope... I look at the ground quickly and start petting Dog again. I can feel my face going red... shit. “First few eggs are done!” He says already sounding perky as I listen to the clinking of metal and glass. “Are you going to take the plate?” I hear him ask. I nod my head and reach my hand out, not looking up. I feel him place the plate carefully in my hands and pull it towards me quickly. “Are you okay?” I nod again and start eating the eggs hastily. “Then why aren’t you looking at me?” He asks. Cause you don’t have a fuckin’ shirt on ya prick.. and apparently that bothers me now... I shrug my shoulders and keep eating. I hear Paul sigh and then I feel him sit down beside me. “Do you have anything to do today?” I shrug my shoulders. “Daryl look at me and talk! What’s wrong? If you’re mad at me for what I gave you to wear, you are seriously overreacting!” No asshole it’s what you didn’t give yourself to wear... “Nah, ain’t that...” I mutter and poke at my egg. “Then what is it? What did I do?” He says in a puzzled tone. “You... uh...” shit... nah I ain’t tellin’ him that... “Did I do something in my sleep?” He says suddenly p in a panicky tone. “Nah Nah! Just...” I say quickly... shit... he thinks he did something wrong... I grumble and point blindly at him... “What? Daryl just tell me...” he says sighing. I bite the inside of my cheek and trace the swirls in the wooden floorboards with my eyes. I swallow and point blindly at him again. “Why are you pointing at me? You’re making me nervous.” Shit... fuck it... “Yer damn shirt!” I snap as I feel my face light aflame with colour. “I’m not wearing a... oh...” I hear him stop mid sentence as he realizes what I mean. “Wait you’re not bothered by me not wearing a shirt... are you?” He asks, a spark of playfulness sneaking into his voice. The stupid prick probably has the slyest fuckin’ smirk on right now. I nod my head... I’m not here... this isn’t happenin’... this ain’t happenin’... it ain’t real... I hear Paul chuckle and then get up and walk towards his room. I hear him rifling through his clothes... that did not just happen... I can’t believe that just fuckin’ happened... “Better?” I hear Paul ask. I look up through my hair at him. He changed into a white button-up shirt and blue skinny jeans. “Mhm” I mumble as I set down my plate on the ground and sink back into the fluffy couch, biting my thumb out of embarrassment. “So, I didn’t want to ask you last night. But, does that happen often? The nightmares I mean.” Paul walks back over to me and sits down. I shake my head. Why am I lying to him? It happens all the time, almost every night.... every time I close my eyes... “Yeah...” I mumble, still biting my thumb. I trust Paul he ain’t gonna judge me... right? “I’m here now. You don’t have to be scared.” I hear him say, I feel his warm soft hand as he sets it on top of mine, comforting me. I am... I’m really scared... of myself... of everything I’ve done and everything I will do to protect my family. Of all the guilt that weighs an infinite amount more then any life I’ve ever taken... Glenns head being smashed to pieces... just because I couldn’t control myself... I’m scared of what I’ll do... of the measures I will take to make sure that will NEVER happen again... of the measures I’ll take to protect Paul... I’m more scared now then ever before... because now I have people I love... now I have people that count on me... now... now I don’t have anyone to count on... I’m scared of so many things now... it’s like they’re tearing me apart from the inside out... scattering pieces of my sanity across what is left of this dead-alive Earth... scattering what is left of... of me... because everyday I wake up and remember the things I’ve done... remember how many people I’ve murdered... how many horrendous things I’ve done... and I’m terrified of myself... that I’ve lost myself... that my body is just a host for some unspeakable evil... that I am no longer human... and ... and then I remember there is no humanity left in this world... this world is already evil... that this world is ruthless... it’s kill or be killed and come back to be killed again... because this world is fucked up... and all that matters now is keeping your family alive... and then... then I remember everything I have to lose... and every single fuckin’ thing I will do to not lose what I have left... because if I lose what I have left... there will be nothing... nothing to live for... no one to live for... no one to kill for... no one to care for... no one to love... it’s an alive and dead world with the in between dominating this dying Earth... so yeah I’m fuckin scared... I’m scared out of my god damn fuckin’ mind... “I ain’t scared.” But I ain’t about to admit all that...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12! Jesus’s POV <3

After we both got dressed up in warm winter clothes, we headed outside into the first snow of the season. I stand on the steps in front my trailer looking over a freshly blanketed Hilltop. I sigh and breath in the clean frosty air. “It’s beautiful!” I say feeling the icy air nip at my lungs. “Sure... Are we gonna go help clear or what?” Daryl grumbles behind me. I chuckle “Yes we are, but we’re taking our time. I still don’t think you should be out here with your ankle.” I say rolling my eyes and stepping the rest of the way down to the ground. I hear the crisp snow squeak beneath my boots. I look across the sparkling undisturbed ground... I’ve always loved this time of year... then the fresh snow is ruined by a happy go lucky dog bounding through the snow, snapping his jaws lightly at the snowflakes swirling around him. I hear Daryl chuckle behind me and I find myself chuckling too. We watch as the dog jumps and spins in the white fluffy crystals that swirl around him. “Careful Dog! Yer gonna blow yer stitches!” Daryl chuckles and limps past me to his snow sprinkled dog. “So what are you going to call him?” I ask, as I follow Daryl and his dog towards the gates. “Just been callin’ ‘em Dog” he says shrugging his shoulders. “You’re calling your dog... Dog?!” I say confused. “What ya got somethin’ better?” Daryl growls playfully back at me. “What about... Survivor?” I say, moving up to walk beside Daryl, who is dressed in a heavy navy blue poncho, with his crossbow slung over his back as per usual. “Nah, I like Dog.” I roll my eyes and spit some sarcasm his way, “What? Let me guess it stands for something all badass like Dispatcher Of Gadabouts?” I say the last part in a thick southern accent. “Nah, but that’s what it stands fer now” He says, I chuckle at his response as we walk up to the small spike door gates. The guards pull them open and we step out into the farmland. Dog runs ahead bounding down the road excitedly. I look up at Daryl who is smiling at the sight of the joyful dog. His eyes sparkle and his face lights up at the sight of Dog. “You are SUCH a dog guy!” I say laughing. “Always have been. When I was 16 I got ma first dog. A big solid black pitty, intimidatin’ as hell. The kinda’ dog ya don’t approach. Called him Tusk, the damn thing looked terrifyin’ but he was damn gentle. Only showed affection towards me though. Took him ta visit my mum once, she owned a yorkie at tha time... fuckin’ hate those lil’ bug eyed critters... Lil fucker was yapping at Tusk and wouldn’t leave ‘em alone. It was all up in his face ‘n’ shit so he just bit down on the damn vermin's neck and wouldn’t stop shakin’ it till it was dead. My mum had a shit fit and kicked me out. Didn’t wanna talk to me for a year. That damn thing was her whole world.” Daryl was chuckling and shaking his head. I beam up at him. I never get to see him happy like this. I never get to see him laugh and be talkative. He looks down at me, his expression immediately turns into a frown, “What ya acting all smiley ‘bout?” He says in a grumpy tone. “I’m acting all smiley because you’re acting all smiley!” I say chuckling at him, nudging him in the ribs gently. He looks ahead of us and shakes his head silently chuckling to himself. We walk up to the first set of spike fences. People were lined up already clearing it out. “I guess we’ll start on the second one.” I say. My balance is back and only certain sharp movements cause me to lose vision and an excruciating pain to wash over me. “Fuck...” I hear Daryl grumble under his breath. It’s then that I realize he wasn’t beside me anymore. I turn around and see him trying to stand up, covered in the snow he’d fallen in. “I told you it was a bad idea to do this with a shot out ankle.” I sigh and reach out my hand. I help him pull himself up and we keep walking towards the second fence. I look ahead and see that it was plastered in walkers. “This going to take forever...” I sigh as I look down the length of the fence. “Then stop havin’ bonfires.” I hear Daryl grumble behind me. I roll my eyes, “We have to have fun sometimes!” I say. “Didn’t know havin’ fun was considered goin’ along a fence and slaughterin’ walkers like cattle.” He says limping ahead of me to the fence. I roll my eyes and walk up to the fence and unsheathe my sword. “I still can’t believe ya use a fuckin’ antique sword...” Daryl sighs. “It’s a good blade and looks cool as hell!” I say winking at him and smirking. “Where the hell did ya get that thing anyways? Ya didn’t have it before... all this...” He asks as he drives his blade swiftly through the temple of the first walker. I knew he wasn’t talking about before the world ended... he was talking about before Negan came along, when we were happy, when we’d go out hunting and scavenging together. “Antique shop a little ways from here. It was locked up tight in a safe at the back of the store... along with two walkers. It belonged to one of them. Surprisingly it works really well!” I say driving the blade cleanly through the forehead of the rotten skull. “What, did the guy have a wooden leg as well?” Daryl says nonchalantly as he stabs another walker. I chuckle, “No but he did have an eye patch!” I see Daryl grit his teeth in response and plunge his blade of dripping scarlet through the eye socket of another walker. He doesn’t say anything and moves to the next walker and then to the next. I work along side him each of us killing every second walker. “What’s up, I thought what I said was pretty funny?” I ask, he was being more harsh and aggressive then usual after what I said. “Nothin’... just a prick with an eyepatch who called himself the Governor killed Maggie’s father and almost killed Rick. Stormed our fuckin’ home with a tank and killed over half our people.” Daryl growls as he shoves his knife deep into the brain cavity of a fresh walker with blood dripping from its putrid jaws. His knife gets stuck in the bone and he lets go of the branch he was using to help him walk and places his hand on the forehead of the dead walker pulling the blade out after a lot of effort. He stumbles backwards as the knife releases itself from the bone. I reach out to try and grab him and steady him but I’m too slow and end up in the soft fluffy snow with him. I start laughing and look down at Daryl who is pinned beneath me, he chuckles softly and then starts laughing too. His whole face lights up when he smiles. His blue-grey eyes twinkle as he chuckles. He’s so perfect laying there with his hair all messed up and tangled in snow. I can’t control myself any longer, I reach down and kiss him gently. I feel him freeze up beneath me and I stop my soft kiss quickly. His eyes are wide as he looks up at me in shock. “Daryl... I’m sorry... I... umm... I don’t know what came over me...” I stutter out and stand up quickly. I grab my sword from the snow and slash the next walkers head. I look up the fence to see how many we’ve cleared so far. I’d estimate a little over 20. I glance back at Daryl quickly. He’s standing up just staring at me. I sigh and look away. What was I thinking? Just kissing him like that, out of nowhere? And where people could see us! I shake my head and decapitate a long turned walker. It’s head falls to the ground on my side of the fence. I look into it’s lifeless eyes as it lays there snapping at me. I lift my blade and slowly drive it through its skull. God I’m so stupid... Why did I have to kiss him now of all places? He’s going to hate me now.. he clearly doesn’t want people thinking he’s gay. I look around and see that the people on the previous fence have there view blocked by the dead walkers hanging on the spikes. I look up, only the tower guards could of seen us and they currently weren’t looking our way. I sigh and pray that no one saw what I had just done... I turn back to the fence and go along it killing all the walkers one by one. I watch as slowly the line of fencing becomes draped with lifeless reanimated corpses. I look back to where Daryl was and see he’s not there anymore. Shit... I look up the dirt road and see Alden walking towards me with Enid in foot. He walks up to me and pulls me into a hug, hitting me on the back in a friendly manner. I do the same to him and we pull away. I nod to Enid and look back to Alden. “We saw Daryl head back inside, he didn’t look so good. We can takeover here if you want to go check on him?” Alden says placing his hand on my shoulder. I glare at Enid who smirks back at me chuckling. That little shit... she just can’t keep her mouth shut can she. I sigh and look at Enid rolling my eyes, “How many people have you told Enid?” “What are you talking about?” Enid says looking back at me innocently. “You know damn well what!” I say exasperated. “Ohhh! The little thing called you having a crush on Daryl?” She says like it just hit her. “Yes that!” I say rubbing my eyes. “I’ve only told Maggie and Alden and from what it looks like you’ve just told Daryl!” She says winking at me. Aww fuck... “You were on tower guard weren’t you...” I say sighing, I feel my face go red. “It was only Alden and I no one else saw. Now get outta here! Your boyfriend looked like he was about to pass out.” She says shoving me towards the dirt road. “He’s not my-! Whatever...” I say exasperated as I start walking back to the gates. I know Daryl, I know that he’s skittish. That he doesn’t trust people easily, if at all. But I love him and I’m willing to wait for however long it takes for him to open up to me. I pull open the spike gates and walk towards my trailer... our trailer. I don’t know where else to look, he never stays inside the walls and when he does he stays in the barn. But Rick is staying there with Michonne and Judith so that’s a no go. I walk up the steps to the trailer and put my hand on the handle. I look at the footprints leading up to the trailer. He was in here. I took a deep breath and opened the door and walked in. I shut the door behind me and look up to see Daryl pacing the trailer. He shouldn’t be moving so much... “Daryl?” I say his name softly. He whips around almost falling over and catches himself on a cedar bookshelf filled with books. “Paul! I...!” He starts. “No... I’m sorry! I lost control of myself and I shouldn’t have kissed you!” I look at the ground ashamed of myself. How will he forgive me for this? I can’t bring myself to look at him. Those eyes, they are either filled with sadness, anger or fear. I hear a huff and look over to Dog who is laying on the couch and has dropped his head onto his paws, clearly exasperated. I move and sit down next to Dog and stare at my hands that are placed tensely in my lap. I wait for Daryl to say something but I don’t hear anything. Then I feel the couch dip beside me. I look up at Daryl who is fidgeting nervously beside me. I can’t imagine how I made him feel just now... I can’t believe he hasn’t left yet, then again he’s smarter then that, he wouldn’t leave with a shot out ankle after what happened last time. I stare at him, examining his posture... everything about him is representing the fact that he is terrified right now. I glance down to his hands, he’s chewing on his thumb with one and the other is fidgeting nervously in his lap. I watch in sheer shock as his shaky hand moves slowly towards mine. I feel his rough skin brush against mine and I untangle my own hands and take his cautiously. I stare at our hands as my heart flutters with warmth. I push my hair behind my ear and look at Daryl, making sure my face is blank so that he doesn’t jump to any conclusions on how I’m feeling. He’s peering through his tangled hair at our hands that are resting in my lap. He didn’t run... he didn’t yell... he didn’t cry... but he also hasn’t spoken. I know this man doesn’t express anything with words, only actions. So I have to do the same. It’s what he understands most. I reach my free hand over carefully to his face and push his hair gently away from his face. He flinches and looks away quickly. I slide closer to him not letting go of his rough shaky hand. I reach my hand out and gently caress his chin and turn his head back towards me. Please don’t be scared of me... I pray as he won’t meet my gaze. I loosen my grip on his hand and his chin. Making sure he knows he can take off if he wants. “Look at me” I say quietly. I wait and after a few seconds he meets my gaze. I look into those blue-grey eyes and examine everything he’s telling me through them. He’s scared, but I can tell he’s not afraid of me, I can see that he’s trying to show me he trusts me. I absorb it all, all his emotions. Then his eyes start to question me and I know he’s wondering what I’m trying to do. I nod my head and remove my hand from his scruffy chin. I stand up slowly, still clutching Daryls hand. I squeeze his hand softly and tug gently. He looks up at me and frowns, but stands up unsteadily non the less. I lead him to my bedroom and I sit down on the edge of the bed. I look up at Daryl who is standing above me, he’s chewing on his thumbnail and his hair is hiding whatever expression he’s making. I pat the blankets on the bed beside me and I see Daryl hesitate before completing my request. I look at his thumb which now has blood running down it from him chewing it down past the nail. I take my other hand and pull his thumb away from him slowly. I hold his other hand in mine and turn to face him, sitting cross-legged on the bed. He keeps looking at the wooden floor and then eventually his gaze flits up to meet mine. I smile softly and I see Daryl about to look away again. I let go of his left hand and place my fingers delicately on his jaw. He flinches and it pains me to see, but I don’t remove my fingers. I slide my entire hand to his face until I’m caressing the side of his face. I turn his head back to me and the fear and uncertainty that coursed through those eyes electrocuted me to the core. I knew I had to comfort him, but I had to know exactly what he was so fearful and uncertain of first. “What is it? What’s wrong Daryl?” I say softly, in the most comforting tone I could muster. I wanted to fling my arms around him, cuddle him, hold him, make him feel safe, loved... He grumbles under his breath but doesn’t respond. I stroke his cheek with my thumb and slide closer to him. “You can tell me anything...” I whisper. I watch him breath in heavily and then sigh. “I just... uh I didn’t expect ya too... uh kiss me... it was where.... people coulda saw...” Daryl mumbles and I see his face turn a light shade of red. “I’m sorry... I don’t know what came over me, you were just there and you were so happy... and only Enid and Alden saw. I promise it won’t happen again.” I remove my hand from his face and place it back on my lap. “Nah...” Daryl immediately looks down again. I frown “What do you mean, no?” I ask confused. “Nah... don’t promise that...” he mumbles. I almost don’t understand what he’s saying. Then it clicks, he’s telling me not to promise to not kiss him again... I’m not quite sure if I’m dreaming or not but... I take his chin in my hands and tilt his head up to look at me. His face is a whole new shade of crimson. “I promise to not promise to not kiss you again.” I say quietly. His eyes are wide as they look into mine, he looks so nervous. “I’m not going to kiss you. I’ll only kiss you when you are ready.” I say, because I can tell that’s what he’s thinking, I can tell he’s wondering if I’m going to kiss him. I can tell that’s what is racing through his mind. I drop my hand from his face and pat his knee. I stand up and let go of his other hand and smile at him. “Stay here” I go to the bathroom and grab the med kit and return to Daryl. I sit down on the carpet in front of his left leg. I undo the laces and slide his boot off. I roll down his sock and roll up his pant leg, revealing the wrapped shot ankle. Unsurprisingly the blood has bled through the gauze. I unwrap the gauze slowly and set it down on the floor beside me. “Yer cabin have heat?” Daryls gruff voice questions. “Yeah, I have one heater that I store in the spare room.” I reply as I take a wipe and wash the blood off from around the wound. “Then why didn’t ya use it last night? Nearly froze ta death.” Daryl growls. I roll my eyes and start wrapping clean gauze around his leg. I finish and tie it. I roll his sock back up and roll his pant leg down, I slide on his boot and tie it up. “Because it’s been cloudy the past two days and we only have solar power.” I say quirking my eyebrow at him. He huffs in response, “I ain’t gonna freeze tonight. This place got any spare blankets?” Daryl lifts his legs up onto the bed and pushes himself up against the headboard. I sigh and climb over his legs and sit down beside him against the headboard, “Not since everyone from Alexandria came, all our blankets are in use, I’d assume. You can ask Maggie, I haven’t checked stocks in forever, I’ve been too busy keeping an eye on you.” I say hitting his chest playfully. “S’ gonna be another storm t’night. Skies close ta black out there...” He says, narrowing his eyes as he turns his head and looks out the window above my dresser. “Maybe we’ll have to keep each other warm.” I say in a playful voice as I look out the window at the dark sky with him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl’s POV <3   
>  I hope everyone is doing well and stay safe! <3
> 
> Chapter 14 is already in the midst of being written!

I hear the playfulness in his voice and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I bite my lip and shift uncomfortably. “Heh... hopefully it won’t get that cold.” I stutter out. “Yeah, hopefully.” I hear the playful sarcasm in his voice. I grunt and nod my head slightly. “Should go check on how the clearin is goin.” I say and swing my legs off the bed. I stand up unsteadily, using the night table for leverage. “Need help?” I hear Paul get up and move to my side of the bed. “Nah” I grumble and reach for the stick I set against the wall. I adjust my stance to make sure I don’t fall and limp towards the door. I hear an exasperated sigh from behind me, “Are you really going to go out there?” I nod my head and grab my crossbow off the counter. I click my tongue at Dog and he jumps up and stands at my side. “Well then I’m coming with you.” I hear Paul’s annoyed voice behind me. Ain’t no point in arguing with’im so I nod slightly and open the door. I take the steps slow and step onto the ground with a grunt. “Are you okay?” “M’fine, I ain’t an invalid...” I growl back at him. I can practically feel him rolling his eyes. “Where are we going?” I hear Paul ask as he trails after me like a mother hen. “Back to our job.” I respond and keep walking towards the gates. “Are you sure you’re up to it?” Paul quickens his pace and walks next to me. “I’m sure.” I grumble. As we approach the gate Dog runs ahead, wagging his tail expectantly. I nod to Cal and Dianne and they open the gates. We walk through out into the world with Dog bounding ahead through the snow. I can’t help but chuckle when he trips over his feet and face plants in a snow bank. I hear Paul chuckling beside me and I look over to him. His eyes are twinkling and a gentle smile spreads it’s way across his face. The snowflakes fall and twirl around him, landing in his hair making him look mystical. I shake my head and look away, my face turning a light shade pink. My gaze lands on the far fence, I see Enid and Alden dragging walkers up into the back of the rusty blue pickup. “Come on we should go help, or rather I should. You need to rest.” Paul says as he starts walking down to meet them. I follow after him and Dog, taking my time on the slight decline, to not trip like I did last time. I reach the pickup and nod to Enid and Alden. I can’t pick up walkers in my condition so I’ll check walkers. I’m about to go and start patting down the walkers to see if there’s anything useful when I hear Enid’s chirpy voice, “Are you okay now Daryl? You looked pretty upset when you went back before.” I growl under my breath, “M’fine and I wasn’t upset.” I turn to look at her and I narrow my eyes and she starts clapping and says in a cheery tone, “So you liked the kiss!?” I feel my face go red, I growl and turn around and start searchin the walkers. “Leave him be Enid, he doesn’t know if he did or not.” Paul chimes in. I whip my head around and glare at him. He shrugs and winks at me as he helps Alden throw another walker in the back. “I’m just assuming since you didn’t punch me in the face.” I hear him chuckle and I can hear Enid and Alden suppress there laughter. Clearly amused seein me all flustered. “Now that I think about it he looked more flustered then upset.” Enid remarks, stopping her work and scratching her chin thoughtfully. I feel the blood rush to my face and try and hide it with my hair. “By that reaction he was definitely flustered!” Enid laughs and winks at Paul. These motherfuckers.... “I ain’t a fuckin entertainment act so y’all can shut the fuck up!” I snarl in Enid’s direction. “Woah there! You are most definitely an entertainment act for me!” I look up to see Paul standing there with his hands on his hips and a playful gleam in his eyes. I ignore him and turn back to the walker, I search it’s pockets and pull out a lighter and a half done pack of cigarettes. I sigh and pull a cigarette out placing it in my mouth. I pull my lighter out since the one in the walkers pocket is frozen and I light the cigarette. I take a deep breath and lean my head back, letting the smoke roll over my face and drift into the wind... fuck I’ve missed the nicotine. The fact that Maggie has banned cigarettes for health reasons is ridiculous. I get we don’t have the technology we used to, to treat health problems and I know I should quit but... it’s the end of the world why the fuck not? I close my eyes and feel the snow hit my face and melt on impact. I’m about to take another drag when I feel someone smack the cigarette out of my mouth. My eyes snap open and I look up to see Paul standing above me with his hands on his hips. “Are you trying to die?” He asks clearly annoyed. “I’ve been smokin my entire life, if it hasn’t affected me by now I doubt it will until I’m long past my useful days.” I scowl up at him. “Give me the damn pack of cigarettes.” Paul places his hand in front of me expectantly. I grumble and hand him the half full box of cigarettes. “Happy?” “Very!” He smirks, “but I’d be happier if you-” I cut him off rapidly glancing at Enid and Alden, “Don’t even start right now...” “But if I don’t start how am I supposed to finish?” he looks at me with a playfully puzzled face. Ugh.... I say one thing that gets his hopes up and he’s teasin me like I’m a fool... Well two can play at that game, might as well have some fun while pattin down rotten corpses. “I said right now. Don’t wanna be kicked outta Hilltop for indecency now do ya?” I say looking up and throwing a wicked grin at him. I see his sly grin fade to shock for a second and then he regains his composure. Didn’t expect me to play along with yer little game, huh? “You’re right, if that happens I’ll never get to see your sexy ass again.” He sighs dramatically and smirks. “We’d both be kicked out... so you’d still have plenty of opportunities.” I grin at him and shrug my shoulders nonchalantly. “I wouldn’t be kicked out! I’d be so focused on stripping you that I wouldn’t have time to take my clothes off!” He clicks his tongue and scans me up and down with those ravenous ocean green eyes before going back to throwing walkers into the bed of the pickup. I chuckle and shake my head. Damn, it is fun to play along with his teasing. I pat down another walker and then another. One after another I get them done, I look up and see it’s almost dark. I look down the line of walkers, I’m close to the end. So far I’ve got about 10 handguns, random ammo, tons of cigarettes, lighters, so many pictures of loved ones, watches, knives, multi tools and many other things. Some of the watches still work and I grab a silver one inlaid with obsidian beads around the clock and stuff it in my back pocket. I move to the next walker and the next and pat them down, searching the pockets and taking shoes and clothing that look in good condition. I kneel over the next walker, once a woman with long black hair, the hair was now patchy and falling out, it’s face rotting and skin suctioned to the bone, it’s eyes stare emptily up at me. I start checking the pockets of the tarnished plaid button up and ripped jeans. Nothing, I flip the walker over to check the back pockets and pull out a clock... or a compass, on a gold chain? I unlock it and flip the lid open, a compass reveals itself, the needles spin dizzily to correct themselves and then settle pointing east. The centre of the compass has, from what I can tell a topaz gem nestled neatly between the needles. This is an old compass and clearly was important to this person. Now it’s covered in blood and muck. I flip the compass over and over trying to find a date on it, it’s too dirty to see anything engraved in it’s mucky gold surface. I’ll have to clean it up later. I stuff it in my back pocket with the watch. I go to move to the next walker and see that that was the last one. “We all done?” I look up to see Paul walking towards me. “Yup” I respond and swing the bag of items I’ve collected over my shoulder. I lean on the fence and stand up carefully. “You need any help?” I see Paul look at me concerned as he swings the last walker over his shoulder. “Nah, m’good.” I nod to him and start heading back up to the gates. I look at the progress as I walk past the fences. Everyone seems almost done or finished. I reach the gates and walk through and into the centre of Hilltop. I reach the picnic tables and swing my bag off my shoulder onto the table. I sit down heavily and sigh, this fuckin ankle is takin a toll on me. I shake the blanket of exhaustion off and open the bag, pulling out the first item. A handgun, I set it on the table to the left of me, it needs cleaning. Fuck... I grumble and set my head in my hands... I raise my gaze and look at the water station.... it seems so far away. This FUCKIN ankle! I can’t do SHIT with it! I slam my fist into the wood top of the table, “FUCK!” I growl. “Need help stranger?” I hear Carols voice and turn my head to the left. I see her standing there holding up two buckets of water with scrub brushes, with a friendly smile on her face. I huff and nod slightly, giving her a slight grin that only Carol can detect. She sets one of the buckets beside me on the bench seat and sits down across from me at the table. I grab the gun off the table, checking it for ammo first and then I dunk the scrub brush into the bucket of water and scrub the gun until the blood, guts and grime is off and set it back on the table. I see Carol cleaning a handgun as well and I grab another one and repeat the process. After a while we start nearing the end of the guns and I’ve gotten away with complete silence so far and then Carol pipes up. “Daryl, I know you don’t like talking much. But you trust me right?” I look up at her and frown. “Yeah, why?” I say gruffly, already suspicious. “Jesus.” She said, one word that’s it, that’s all she needed to say anyway. “Don’t wanna talk bout it.” I say gruffly and return to scrubbing the last handgun. “Well you have to, because you are clearly miserable Daryl... I just want to help.” She says sighing and setting down her scrub brush and setting the handgun on the table. I grumble under my breath, knowing I can’t escape Carol. “I- I don’t know...” I sigh and set down the gun and scrub brush. I hang my head and raise my hands to my face. “You don’t know what?” Carol asks in her motherly tone. “I don’t know what to do... I don’t know what this feeling is... I’ve never had it before... these thoughts they’re all new...” I grumble into my hands hoping she doesn’t understand me. Unfortunately she does, it’s Carol after all. “And what is this new feeling and these new thoughts?” I feel her reach across the table and set her hand on my forearm. I grumble and talk as quietly as I can, making sure Carol can still hear me but, any passerby’s can’t. “It’s like a rush of nervousness... excitement... warmth and happiness and... fear... I catch myself looking at him... just staring at him... scanning him almost... I don’t know...” I feel my face going red and I burrow my face into my hands even more, if that’s possible. “Daryl, no one can tell you how YOU feel. You just have to figure that out yourself, but I can ask questions that can help you figure it out. When you catch yourself looking at him, what are you thinking?” Carol says quietly matching my tone. Fuck... I can’t say that I find him attractive as hell... fuck... I find him attractive as hell... “I... fuck... I like him don’t I?” I growl under my breath. “And what makes you think that?” She says, curiosity pouring into her voice. “When he got hurt... every time he got hurt... I woulda died for him... When I walked in on Aaron... k-kissin him... I... may have overreacted. His teasin actually makes me... flustered... he was walkin around with no shirt on the other day and it actually... bothered me... I catch maself admirin him... his eyes... fuck... I can’t judge the kisses cause I just kinda froze... didn’t do anythin... didn’t react... I was in to much of a panic to remember em... but he... he came to check on me after and promised he wouldn’t kiss me again... and before I knew what I was sayin it just kinda came out... fuck...” I rant under my breath not bein able to stop, it’s like a landslide. “What did you say?” Carol asked. “Don’t promise that... I said, don’t promise that. I fuckin basically told him he could kiss me again!?” I growl. “First off I didn’t know about any kiss, never mind multiple kisses.” She says with a playful tone in her voice, I’m too embarrassed to look up but I bet this undead Earth she has a happy go lucky smirk plastered on her face. “Second off I think you’ve figured out how you feel. Third off, I can’t help you. I can tell you things aren’t going to work out by themselves, so don’t just not put in any effort. And no matter how scared you are, you don’t back out. Life is short in this new world, so take advantage of what unknown time we have left. I was afraid at first too with Ezekiel... but I realize now life really is too short.” I feel her squeeze my arm and then get up. “Good luck Daryl.” I hear her sincere voice say as she walks away, the sound of her footsteps leading towards Barrington. I rub my face, I know what I have to do. I just don’t know if I can do it. Fuck... how does Carol always find a way into my thoughts and manage to unscramble them. Before I do anything I have to finish up here. I clean the rest of the items to the best of my ability with a bucket of soapy water and a scrub brush. Then I take out all the pictures of family and loved ones I found. I shove all the items back into the bag except for the pictures. I keep the watch and compass aside and place them into my coat pocket and get up and sling the bag over my shoulder with a grunt. I snatch the stack of pictures off the table and carefully stuff them in my pocket. I slowly start limping up to Barrington. I go up the steps slowly, leaning on the railing with all my weight. Once I get to the top I swing the door open and step inside. Warmth hits me like a wave and I stand there soaking it in for a few seconds before I head to the billboard. I set the bag on the ground and take the pictures out of my pocket. I start pinning up the photos one by one, making sure that each picture has at least one identifiable person in it. This is the worst part of the job... not the rotting corpses... not the blood and the stench... but the pictures.... the pictures of happy families that are probably dead... Once in a while someone comes up to the billboard and recognizes a family member in a picture and takes it. That’s why we as a council decided to make this billboard... for the memories, most people don’t have any pictures left from before, so this way maybe some people can have some. It was Tara’s idea actually. After she found a walker that turned out to be her aunt, she found a picture of her mom, herself and her little sister Paula when they were 10 and 6, stuffed into the walkers breast pocket. She found peace in that photo and I see her take it out on runs sometimes and stroke the picture softly with her thumb before gently putting it back in her breast pocket. When I reach back into my pocket for the next picture, I feel nothing. I finished with the pictures now I have to go drop this bag off at the warehouse. I reach for the bag and sling it back over my shoulder. I limp carefully towards the door and swing it open. Almost running right into Luke, who has a stack of pictures in his hands. “Hey man! You want me to take that? I was heading over to the warehouse anyway, since I found a few multitools and knives.” He smiles at me cheerily. Fuck... I don’t want help but... I want to find Paul. I sigh and hand him the bag. “Thanks man.” I smile at him slightly and hit him on the shoulder. “No problem man!” I hear him chirp back at me as I make my way down the stairs. I sigh and stop to think about where I’d find Paul. He wasn’t on search duty so he wouldn’t have any reason to be at the warehouse or Barrington. He’s probably back at the camper taking a bath after haulin rottin bodies around. I reach the door to his... our camper and swing the door open. I step inside and throw my ponchos on the floor and set my crossbow down on the counter. I turn back and am about to call Dog when I realize he’s already on the couch perfectly dry. “Damn I must’ve been distracted if I didn’t realize you went with Paul, huh?” I say and scratch behind his ears. “I’ll take you over to the infirmary tomorrow and get that wound checked again, huh buddy, that sound good?” I say as I crouch down carefully and rest my forehead against his as he pants happily. I sigh and close my eyes, “Wish me luck” I whisper softly as I hear the doorknob to the bathroom click. I stand up slowly and glance over to the bathroom door. I see the doorknob turn and I gulp. No backin out now... I watch as the door opens and I see Paul emerge in a fluffy black bathrobe. His head pointing to the ground as he towel dries his hair. I cough slightly and his head shoots up. “Oh, hey! You scared me.” He says smiling at me. His hair falls in wet strands around his neck and in his face. “Didn’t mean too.” I grumble, and shift uncomfortably. “Why are you standing there, sit down and rest your ankle, you’ve already put enough strain on the poor thing today!” He says as he walks towards the fridge. How do I get his attention? “Um... I found some thangs when I was searchin the walkers.” “That’s good!” He says looking up at me and smiling softly for a second and then turns back to the fridge and grabs a pitcher of milk. Dammit... “I thought you’d... uh... like’em.” I say nervously. I want to go... this isn’t going to work... I’m gonna fuck it up... what if this whole time he was just playin with me... fuck... “What did you find?” I finally see him stop pouring a glass of milk and he walks over to me. He’s standing right in front of me, I can’t back out now. I reach into my pocket and pull out the watch first. I place it in the palm of my and present it to him. “Uh.. it’s real silver with obsidian beads inlaid around the face and it still works.” I say nervously. I’m afraid to look at him so I just look at the watch. “It’s beautiful! I didn’t take you as someone who’d wear silver!” He says admiring it. Fuck... he didn’t get that it was for him. “I don’t.” I grumble. “Oh, I didn’t think you’d collect watches either.” He says, taking the watch gently from my hands and turns it over and over admiring it. He eventually hands it back to me. Dammit... I grab his wrist and carefully place the watch on his left wrist since that’s the hand he writes with. My hand lingers on his warm skin and I freeze. “Daryl? Are you okay?” Paul says looking up at me. I nod quickly and let go of his wrist, feeling the warmth leave my touch. “For you...” I gulp nervously and nod towards the watch. “I love it Daryl... Thank you. I guess I don’t need this old leather one that’s falling apart now.” He beams up at me and starts taking his other watch off. I reach into my pocket quickly while he’s distracted and grab the compass. I wait for him to get the old watch off and set it on the counter. Then I take his hand and set the compass in it. “For you... also” I shift anxiously and glance at him. He flips open the lid and as he does I say, “Centrepiece is Topaz, I uh... I remembered yer birthday so I new it was yer birthstone... it’s also real gold and it was made in 1923, in Germany...” I look down again waiting for him to say something. Instead I hear the compass click closed and the sound of it being set on the counter. He doesn’t like it... fuck...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesus’s POV <3  
> Love y’all and I hope you are all dong well!

I set the compass on the counter, a smile plastered across my face. I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything at all. I step closer to Daryl and wrap my arms around him, I set my head on his shoulder and sigh happily. I feel his muscles bunch as per usual, so I decide to come up with something to say. “It means so much to me Daryl... I love it... thank you.” I just can’t believe he remembered my birthday and he knows about birthstones... and the watch is gorgeous.... he knew I liked silver... I feel my eyes start to water and I chuckle. I pull away from Daryl gently, which is easy considering he’s been frozen the entire time and hasn’t returned the hug. I smile up at him gently and I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly and reach for the compass again. I click it open and stare at the elegant topaz gem set into the gold. I run my fingers gently over its surface and I can’t help but smile. I can’t seem to get it off my face, it’s like I’m permanently smiling and my cheeks are starting to hurt. I look up at Daryl again, who is still staring at the floor. “Daryl...” I say quietly. What’s up with him? He just gifted me two amazing things and I love them but he... he still seems sad and nervous... I set the compass down on the counter again and reach my hands towards his. I take his hand gently in mine. “Daryl talk to me, what’s wrong?” I make my words sound as comforting as possible. He still doesn’t say anything. I move one hand up to brush the hair out of his face and he flinches back immediately. “Daryl-” I say quickly reaching back for his other hand, but he just removes his hands from mine. “You don’t have to pretend to like them for my sake. I don’t need your pity...” he says in the most hurt voice. I.... what would make him think that...? “Daryl. Stop that! I’m not pitying you! And I am most certainly not pretending to like them! You remembered my birthday and on top of that you noticed that I like silver... Daryl they mean so much to me... you mean so much to me...” “Do ya mean it?” I hear him say cautiously under his breath. “Yes I mean it Daryl!” My hands make my way towards his again and when I hold his hands in mine, he lifts his head and I can see those eyes... those gorgeous eyes staring down at me. He smiles, so gently... it’s hard to see at first but it becomes clear that he’s smiling a genuine peaceful smile. He steps closer to me, his chest touching mine. My breath hitches and for a second I think he’s going to hug me.... Daryl’s going to hug me... initiate a hug with me... and I cant help but smile even more, if it was possible. I feel him slide his hands out of my grip and one of his arms lands around my waist and the other on the back of my neck. Goosebumps run over my skin and I feel tingly all over. I close my eyes and go to rest my head on his shoulder. He’s finally trusting me... he’s hugging me. I wrap my arms gently around his waist. Daryl’s arm moves from the back of my neck, shit... I don’t want this moment to end... my breath hitches again when my chin is lifted up to face Daryl. “Daryl?” I gulp and stare at him wide eyed. He just stares back at me and then his lips are on mine. I gasp and freeze for a second, then I lean into the kiss, my eyes fluttering shut. He pulls me closer and tightens his hold on me. I can feel his beard against mine as his lips brush over mine. His lips are cracked from being out in the cold for so long but, he doesn’t seem to care. I feel his rough hand slide from my chin to my cheek and then to the nape of my neck. His lips brush mine one last time before he pulls back slowly. I stand there for a second my eyes remaining closed. Daryl removes his steel grip on me and I feel his warmth fade away. My eyes flash open and I stare at him wide eyed once again. He’s looking at the ground, hair covering his face as he’s obviously chewing his thumb. “Daryl... I... what...” I stand there out of breath and bewildered. Why would he...? I find myself asking that a lot... “Daryl?” I say his name again. “I... uh... I should get going...” He says shakily and turns on his heel. His bad heel fortunately, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. “Fuck!” I hear him growl as he props himself up against the counter. I go over to him and grab his hand. “You are not going anywhere!” I say quickly and guide him over to the couch. I let go of his hand and push him down onto the couch before he can argue. “Not a word out of you! Those stitches are probably ripped out again!” I sigh and shake my head as I pinch my brow with my fingers. “Just wait here...” I growl softly as I go and get the med kit from the bathroom closet. I grab the med kit off the top shelf and close the closet door. As I open up the med kit to make sure everything I need is there I hear a door slam. I set the med kit down quickly and swing the bathroom door open. I look to the couch and see that Daryl is gone, but Dog strangely enough is still there. Sitting up wagging his tail expectantly at me. “God dammit Daryl!” I growl. I rush to my bedroom and put some proper clothes on. I slip my coat and boots on, then grab my hat and gloves off the counter and make sure to stuff the compass into my coat pocket carefully. “Come on boy.” I say to Dog and pat my leg like Daryl does. He immediately jumps up and is at my side. “You know we’re going to look for Daryl don’t you?” I chuckle under my breath and pet the dogs head. “Okay then, lets go.” I open the door and walk down the steps into the white snow. Dog doesn’t leave my side and keeps looking to me expectantly with his nose twitching, taking in all the scents. “Your dads not the best at basic etiquette, is he?” I say looking down at Dog. He barks up at me, as if continuing the conversation. I chuckle “I mean he gives me gifts, that I love by the way! And then he assumes I don’t like them and flinches away from me. Then he kisses me. Then he tries to leave and gets himself hurt and when I try to help him he takes off on me!” I ramble, talking with my hands and shaking my head in annoyance, confusion and mostly worry. I drop my hands to my sides and sigh heavily. I feel dog nuzzle my hand and I look down at him. He returns my gaze with those dark brown eyes, as if reassuring me. His tongue lulls out of his mouth as he smiles up at me. I sigh and smile slightly down at him. I crouch down next to him and scratch behind his ears. He makes a happy grunt and leans into my scratches. “Where are we even going?” I say sighing and looking around. Too many people have walked through here today and it’s a still day. No snow and no wind, so no way to extract the new tracks from the old ones, at least in my eyes anyway. I look back down at Dog and cock my head sideways at him. He looks at me and cocks his head following my movements. I smile “But not for you! I bet you can track Daryl down, huh boy?” I stand up and grab the compass Daryl gave me. I bend down again and let Dog sniff it. “Daryl! Find Daryl boy!” He looks at me, his brow furrowed. “Find Daryl boy! Track Daryl!” At the word Track his ears go straight up and his eyes shine with excitement. His tail goes straight out behind him and he takes off towards Barrington with his nose to the ground.  
I walk quickly to catch up with him. I take the steps to Barrington to at a time. I look up and see Dog sitting by the door waiting to be let in. I pet his head, “Good boy!” I smile at him and open the door. I step in and see a cluster of people around the billboard. Dog prances over to them and sniffs everyone’s hands. He gets a few pets and then he moves on. I shut the door behind me and follow Dog up the left staircase. He starts running down the hall once we reach the top of the stairs. He stops at the end of the hall and looks at a old rusty door and whines. I frown and look at the dangerously rusted metal door. I pet Dogs head again and then turn the hand,e carefully and pull the door open. It makes a screeching sound as it drags across the floorboards. I cringe at the sound and I see Dogs ears flatten. He steps cautiously into the room and sniffs the air. He steps back a bit and then turns to look at me, his brow furrowed. “What’s up boy? Track Daryl. We gotta find him boy...” I frown and bite my lip. Dog looks to me then into the dark room and back to me. I nod to him and Dog steps slowly I to the room. His ears swivelling and the fur on his back raised. I follow him into the room, nails, screws and bolts are scattered across the floor. Rolls of barbed wire are stacked beside the door. Dog yelps suddenly and I move carefully to his side. He’s at a door slightly ajar on its hinges that leads into a smaller room off the side of this one. “It’s okay boy.” I pet his head and gulp. My hearts racing, something isn’t right... I step carefully around Dog and grab the handle to the door. I drag it open, leaving scrape marks on the ground. I look at Dog, who knows what’s in there or what’s on the floor. “Stay.” I whisper to Dog, I take a deep breath and step into the dark musty room. It reeks of alcohol and cigarette smoke. All I hear is Dogs heavy breathing as he paces behind me in the main room. I try and focus on blocking out Dogs breathing. I hear low breathes coming from the right side of the small room. I gulp and step carefully towards the sounds. I immediately almost trip on something, I hear it roll across the floor, an empty bottle... “Daryl?” My eyes start to adjust and I see a dark lump in the corner of the room where the breathing is coming from. I step closer to him practically dragging my feet on the ground so I don’t break any bottles. “Daryl... I know it’s you...” I hear a low grunt and the sound of someone shifting around. I kneel down on all fours and feel around myself for glass. I push at least four bottles out of my way. I feel my hand brush against Daryl and I gulp. I feel around to make sure I’m not going to sit on anything and then sit down beside Daryl. I just sit there for a while and then I hear Dog still panting heavily in the main room. “Is there anything that can hurt him on the floor?” I ask quietly. “Dog!” I hear Daryl’s gruff voice call out as quiet as he can. I hear Dogs paw steps and then feel him lay down on Daryl and set his head on me. We sit there for a long time not saying anything. Just staring into the darkness and petting Dog. “Daryl?” I ask quietly. I hear a grunt and I turn my head to look at him. “Do you regret it?” my voice comes out cautious and shaky. I don’t want him to regret it. I don’t want to lose him. I hear his breath hitch and for a second I think he’s going to leave again. But he doesn’t he stays in the darkness with me. I wait for an answer but it doesn’t come.

After what must of been hours of sitting on the floor, the room starts to grow cold. I feel it seeping into my bones and I start to shiver. I don’t want to leave Daryl but... I’m freezing. “No...” I hear Daryl whisper, almost so quietly that I couldn’t hear it. “What?” “I don’t regret it.” He says shakily. I feel my eyes go wide and then I smile. I sigh and move a bit closer to him. I feel him shivering too. “It’s cold... we should head back home...” I say softly. He grunts in response. I click at Dog and he lifts his head up. I pet his head one last time and then I get up. I pat my leg and he bounds up beside me. I hear Daryl grunting as he uses the wall to stand up. I don’t even bother asking him if he needs help because I know he’ll just reject it. We walk back to the house in silence. I look up at the dark cloudy sky and sigh before I head into the house after Daryl. I close the door behind me and turn to Daryl who is sitting on the couch petting Dog. “I’m going to try and get some sleep. It’s late and I’m tired. I suggest you get some sleep too.” I say to him and walk to my bedroom. I sit down on the bed with a sigh and look out the window. It’s pitch black and the wind is picking up quickly. It’s going to be freezing tonight. Just like Daryl said. I slide my boots off and set them beside the bed. I reach into my coat pocket and take out the compass. I set it on my nightstand and then take off my coat. The cold hits me like a punch to the face. I throw my coat and hat onto my dresser and crawl under the blankets. I lay there trying to get warm but warmth doesn’t come and I’m starting to shiver. For fucks sake... I wonder if Daryl would let Dog sleep in the bed? “Daryl?” I call. I hear shuffling and then turn to see Daryl in the doorway. “Do you think Dog would sleep in the bed?” I ask. “Dog!” He calls and Dog walks up beside him. The dog lets out a big yawn and then shakes his fur looking up at Daryl. “Up.” Daryl commands pointing to the bed. Dog looks at him for a second and then he jumps up onto the bed, turning around and looking at Daryl again. “Lay down.” was the next command to come. Dog carried out the command quickly. “Good Dog!” Daryl said smiling, scratching, Dog behind the ears. “Stay boy.” Daryl said as he stopped petting him and turned around to leave the room. “Daryl... you should get some sleep. It’s been a long stressful day.” I say to him before he can leave the room completely. He stops in his tracks, “Where?” He asks. “It’s freezing, we need all the heat we can get. Sleep in here with Dog and I.” I can see him hesitate and then he comes and starts to get into the bed. “Daryl... we’ve been through this. You are still covered in walker blood. Change.” I hear him grumble and he takes off his ponchos and coat. He slides his boots off and then looks at me “And I still don't have any extra clothes.” He says his eyes narrowed at me. “Right... we’ll go through my dresser see if you find anything you like. Since you didn’t like my choices for you.” I say smirking at him slightly. I hear him growl under his breath and then he gets up and looks through my dresser. I turn away from him to let him change. Once he’s done changing he comes back to his side of the bed and crawls under the blankets. Dog curls up at our feet and soon he’s snoring gently, paws twitching in his sleep. I close my eyes and try to sleep. But the harder I try the more my mind keeps circling back to Daryl kissing me. I try for another hour and then give up. I listen to Daryl’s breathing, he’s awake. “You can’t sleep either?” I ask quietly. He grunts in response. “So what’s your reason for not sleeping?” I say while scooting myself up into a sitting position against the headboard. “Dunno.” He says curtly. “Could be the fact that my trailer reeks of alcohol and cigarette smoke thanks to that room.” I say rolling my eyes. “I... I didn’t smoke or drink up there today...” He says cautiously, still laying on his side facing away from me. “I know. You’d smell a lot worse if you had.” I say letting out a slight chuckle. After that it’s quiet for awhile. If I couldn’t hear his breathing pattern I’d think he was asleep. “M’sorry.” I hear him say in a tone that made my chest hurt. “For what?” I ask. “For... y’know... I didn’t ask... I shoulda asked... didn’t even know if you’d still want that... after everythin’ I’ve put ya through...” I hear his voice hitch multiple times throughout the sentence. “Daryl, sit up.” He hesitates but he sits up against the head board with me. I turn to face him and we sit cross legged in front each other. “You didn’t need to ask. You can kiss me anytime you want.” I say brushing his hair out of his eyes and behind his ear. Even in the dark I can see the crimson creeping across his cheeks. He looks up at me and I lock eyes with him. I can’t read him right now... His eyes I’ve never seen them like this... I feel his hand brush my cheek and my breathing quickens. “Startin when?” He says, his eyes staring into my soul. “...now...” I gulp, I feel like I can’t breathe. His other hand caresses the back of my neck and pulls me towards him. “Daryl... I” I don’t know what to do... this is a whole new side of Daryl. I feel his touch leave my skin immediately. “I’m sorry... I... dammit Paul... what do you to me...?” He growls, his rough voice echoing through the trailer. Fuck... this man is going to be the death of me... “Don’t be sorry.” I say sternly. “Why? You... you were hesitatin’ which clearly means ya finally figured out ya didn’t like this selfish jackass...” He grumbles and looks down. His hair falls over his face again like a curtain blocking his emotions. I move closer to him and move the hair out of his face again. His gaze flits up to meet mine and he lifts his head up. I can’t... we’re so close... My hand lands on his jaw and my thumb strokes his cheek. My other hand lands on his leg, to steady myself. I can feel his shaky breath hitting my face. Fuck it... I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. He doesn’t kiss back for a second and then he leans into it. I can feel his arms slither around my waist holding me there. I can feel his beard scratch against mine as our lips interlock. Whatever cold was still lingering on my skin is replaced with an excited heat. I bite his lower lip gently and I feel him shudder. I feel his tongue slide across my upper lip. I allow my tongue to interlock with his and feel a wave of shivers rush over my body. God I don’t want this moment to end. Bliss swarms my thoughts and vision. Warmth lingers across my skin and all I smell is Daryl... and alcohol and smoke... but I don’t care about that right now. I hear a whine behind me and I can’t help but chuckle. Daryl pulls away from our kiss and looks at me puzzled. “I think someone’s jealous.” I say smirking as I turn my head to look at Dog. Daryl sighs and then lets out a chuckle too. Dog crawls up to the top of the bed and wiggles in between Daryl and I. I unhook my hands from around Daryl’s neck and he does the same with his hands. I take one of his hands in mine and interlock our fingers tightly. I pet Dog with my free hand and Daryl does the same. I look up at Daryl and smile. His eyes lift to meet mine but he quickly looks back to Dog, trying to hide his blush. I smile at the blushing man before me, “I don’t know about you but, I can definitely sleep now.” I say rubbing my thumb on the palm of his hand. “Uh... yeah...” He coughs and pushes Dog gently off of him. Still holding onto my hand he goes to turn over and sleep, which ends up dragging me with him. I land on top of him and Dog. Dog lets out a surprised yelp and then starts wagging his tail, his own way of saying ‘its okay, I know you didn’t mean to.’ “Daryl, you’re going to have to let go of my hand.” I say chuckling. I can see his face turn beat red and he mumbles out a “Oh yeah...” and lets go of my hand quickly. I crawl under the blankets and Daryl crawls under them too. “Heh finally decided you can sleep under the same blankets as me?” I say playfully. I hear him grumble in response and then curl into his usual ball with the blankets tucked up under his chin. I smile, god damn he’s gorgeous. I lay my arm across Dog and scratch his neck. He just lays there sprawled out in between Daryl and I. The warm fuzzy feeling of kissing Daryl still hadn’t worn off and the warmth and comfort Dog was providing made it easy to drift off into a deep sleep.


End file.
